Dictatorial, Disciplinarian Way Is Wrong For Children

I was raised, and am raising my children, in a “no hitting” home. This does not mean that my children are misbehaving monsters. My children, ages 2 and 8, know that they are, and always have been, the center of my universe. They know their opinions count and I encourage them to express them.

They eat when they are hungry and they are never forced to clean their plates or eat anything they don’t like, but they are strongly encouraged to eat good food. They sleep when they are tired, with no set bedtime. They have never cried themselves to sleep while in my care.

Almost everything I do goes against advice by Dr. John Rosemond in his parenting column in The Spokesman-Review. I am happy about this because Rosemond presents a dictatorial, disciplinarian point of view that is stereotypically male, medieval and dangerous. I was angry when he came out in support of spanking as an acceptable form of discipline. I was disgusted when he ran a contest for the “most laid-back mom,” honoring the mother who did the least for her children.

Rosemond stresses the priority of the husband-wife relationship in the family home, with parent-child relationships being secondary. I believe that, from infancy to at least school age, it is the parent’s responsibility to give first priority to the parent-child relationship.

In a recent column, Rosemond called for parents to say no to their children at least four times as often as they say yes. What a sad and negative message to give your children. When my children want something, there are only three reasons I say no: It would be harmful to their well-being, I absolutely can’t afford it, our schedule will just not allow us to do that. I give them as much control over their lives as possible, letting them choose their clothing, their food and their activities.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t guide them in their choices. A character in the novel “Babel Tower,” by A.S. Byatt, sums up my parenting style: “What we should do for the weak and wrong-headed is educate them to judge better, not suppress other’s freedoms. We must be vigilant, but not repressive.”

If you also disagree with much of what Rosemond advocates, please let The Spokesman-Review know. I would like to see his column removed from the paper or see the addition of a second parenting column that advocates a child-centered approach to parenting.

MEMO: Your Turn is a feature of the Wednesday and Saturday Opinion pages. To submit a Your Turn column for consideration, contact Rebecca Nappi at 459-5496 or Doug Floyd at 459-5466 or write Your Turn, The Spokesman-Review, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210-1615.