‘Wrong Crowd’ Is More Wrong Than In The Past

Q. Every week it seems, I hear yet another horror story about a teen-ager who’s gone “off the deep end.” In many cases, these are kids whose parents are involved and responsible, and who themselves were well-behaved, nice kids until they hit the teen years.

Am I wrong, or is the “wrong crowd” more of a problem today than it was when you and I were teen-agers? In any case, is there something parents can do when children are younger that will help them resist negative peer pressure during their teen years?

A. I think you’re right: The “wrong crowd” is indeed more of a problem today than it was 30-something years ago.

Part of the problem is one can no longer easily tell which teens are “bad news” and which one’s aren’t. When you and I were teen-agers, the kids in the wrong crowd generally stood out. Today, however, the wrong crowd has kids from all walks of life, and a “bad reputation” is no longer necessarily bad in the eyes of other teens.

Furthermore, this assessment is supported by the facts; namely, over the past 30 years, every indicator of positive mental health in teen-agers has been going in the wrong direction. Drug and alcohol use, teen pregnancy, teen suicide and delinquency all have increased dramatically across the demographic spectrum. There’s absolutely no doubt about it: Today’s teen-ager is more prone to serious problems than was the typical teen in generations past.

Television, a general loosening of discipline in the home, the proliferation of father-absent families, and the assignment of child-care responsibilities to various “proxies” all have contributed to this state of affairs. Perhaps the most insidious contributing factor, however, has been the good intentions of today’s parents.

In the course of giving their children entirely too much and expecting entirely too little in return, well-intentioned parents often fail to instill in their children an adequate sense of family loyalty and obligation.

Simply put, many of today’s parents act as if the only person in the parent-child relationship who has obligations is the parent. Under these circumstances, it’s no wonder so many children seem to develop little sense of responsibility toward their families; thus, no strong defenses against negative peer pressure.

In short, parents who want to “immunize” their children against the epidemic of problems inherent in today’s teen culture would do well to stop acting so obligated, and begin obligating their children. They could begin this turning of the tables by simply saying “no” more than they say “yes” - at least three times more, in fact.

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