Good People Must Go On The Offensive

Young, single mothers of the Inland Northwest, listen up. Here are two easy ways to kill your child. Pour gasoline over her and light a match. Or leave her with your boyfriend who is depressed, unemployed or has a history of drug and alcohol abuse.

Sorry to be so blunt here, folks, but the latest allegation of child abuse by a boyfriend took the lid off our anger. Amanda Welch is an adorable 3-year-old. She has blond hair and big eyes and in a recent picture, she looked like a child waiting to toddle into the greater world.

Police say Amanda’s mom left her with a boyfriend, even though she had evidence he was abusing the child. Now, he has been charged with first-degree assault. Seems that while he was babysitting Amanda, she was thrown head-first into a bathtub and severely brain-injured.

We are angry because these “child abuse by unbonded boyfriend” cases are becoming almost a cliche. In 1995, for instance, nine children were killed in Spokane County; six were bludgeoned to death by a male caretaker who was not the father.

In the animal world, some males kill unrelated offspring of females they want to partner with. Gets rid of the competition. And in one recent study, researchers found that children bear an uncanny resemblance to their fathers during the first two years of life. The possible reason? The father is more likely to bond when he’s certain the child is his.

The social service people who know these young moms and their boyfriends are kinder when discussing the phenomenon. They understand that the boyfriends often come from violent families. And the girlfriends suffer from low self-esteem, and long for fathers for their children. Sue Manfred, executive director of the Vanessa Behan Crisis Nursery, wrote about the “unbonded male” phenomenon a year ago on our Perspective page. The girlfriend is “desperate to ease loneliness and isolation in her life and must constantly be assured of his love. Caring for her child is one way he can prove that he loves her … We must ease her isolation and loneliness. We must provide child care that is non-judgmental and free.”

These young men and women need help. But they also need tough talk. If you are a family member, a friend, a neighbor or a co-worker of a single mom who is leaving her baby with a boyfriend - especially one who is unemployed or violent - interfere.

Point out the dangers. Offer to care for the child or refer the mother to support systems, such as the crisis nursery. Call Child Protective Services. Have the courage to be a child’s lifeline.

, DataTimes The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Rebecca Nappi/For the editorial board