Letters Full Of Questions Help Readers Bond With Vagabond
Welcome to THE BIG PILE UNDER MY DESK, the exciting new travel forum in which I answer the most common unsolicited questions sent in by readers. The letters have accumulated … well, you know where they’ve accumulated. It’s gotten to the point where I have no place to put my feet. So, to solve several problems simultaneously, I’ve created this exciting forum, which will run every time I feel like stretching my legs.
Q: Is it better to make your own travel plans or use a travel agent?
A: I recommend making your own plans with a travel agent. The trick to getting a good deal is to sit down with the agent in person, be flexible with your schedule and request prices for about 2,000 different combinations of flights and dates. Some travel agents may not be fond of this because they’d rather be decorating their offices with little exotic trinkets.
Q: Where in the world can you find the most friendly people?
A: Hard to say. I haven’t really discovered any specific place, like some little town in India where all the friendly people are hanging out.
Q: How do you keep clean in really remote areas?
A: With a long-handled brush. Actually, like most travelers, I get accustomed to being dirty. That’s one of the nice parts about coming back to some kind of civilization: hot showers and washing machines.
Q: Do you meet other travel writers on your travels?
A: Only once. I bumped into a Japanese adventurer named Nori Kunori who works for the Japanese equivalent of National Geographic. He looked and sounded normal but was clearly a bit of a nut case. He was just completing a 10-year journey from the Northern tip of Alaska to the Southern tip of South America by mountain bike and sea kayak, and he had climbed every challenging peak along the way. (He did take some time off when he slipped into a coma after contracting typhoid fever in Bolivia, and after getting severe frostbite when he carried his mountain bike to the top of a 25,000-foot peak in Chile.) Mostly, though, I just run into young Australians who couldn’t land jobs as beer tasters.
Q: How do you shave in the wilderness?
A: One nice thing about the wilderness is that there’s no dress code, so I try to avoid shaving altogether. In most developing nations, though, I get shaved at the barber. It’s usually cheaper than buying a razor, and can be extremely enjoyable, provided you remind them to sharpen the blade.
Q: How do you deal with the language barrier?
A: The linguistically challenged American, Canadian, British, Australian and New Zealand travelers have prevailed and most of the world’s travel routes are now paved with self-taught English speakers hoping to get our tourist dollars. I am semi-fluent in three other languages and try to learn about 20 key words in each country. Between my minimal vocabulary, awkward hand and body gestures (for example, squatting on the floor with a scrunched up face means you’re looking for the restroom), I can usually make myself understood.
Q: What’s the worst meal you ever had on the road?
A: The thing is, when something tastes really, really bad, I generally don’t eat much of it. However, the worst thing I ever had to put in my mouth was a large, dried animal’s head. I was living with Jaguar natives in the Amazon rain forest and the chief picked up this sickly looking carcass, took a bite out of the head and handed it to me. With most of the village watching, I painfully chewed and swallowed a piece myself.
Q: What do you do if you get sick or injured in an undeveloped place?
A: If it’s really serious and painful, I scream my head off. Otherwise, I reach into my first aid kit and attempt to administer the proper medication myself. Flagyl and anti-biotics are great for nasty intestinal disorders, hydrocortisone works for most bites and rashes, and beer works for just about everything else.
Q: Does adventure-travel writing require any special knowledge?
A: I majored in political science and economics in college. Most of my adventures don’t involve either of these disciplines, but I do have a diploma that says something in Latin!
Q: Any quaint or undiscovered places you’d recommend?
A: One place comes to mind. It’s not frequented by tourists, it has a real homey feel, the rates are dirt cheap, the food is incredible, the bed is divine, and the shower has pretty good water pressure provided no one is flushing the toilet. However, you’ll have to get permission from my mother to stay there.
xxxx