Will Haul Everything But A Realistic Owner Ego-Friendly For Most Americans, The New Monster Rigs Are Just Plain Silly.

Bigger! Heavier! Thundering with asphalt-shaking power! Bristling with options! Coming to a freeway near you, it’s (gentlemen, rev your diesels) … monnnnsterwagons!

Forget fuel conservation. Forget air pollution. Forget the safety of fellow motorists. This is full-throated, ugly-American consumerism, back in the saddle again.

This, at last, is Detroit’s answer to the lust for computer power (“300 megaHertz of Blazing Speed!”) that in recent years replaced carburetor envy as the obsession of the testosterone set. Once again, American guys can talk cars. And not just cars. Trucks. Biiiig trucks.

Automakers are salivating over the hot market for king-sized macho vehicles. The bigger the rig, the bigger the profit. And the bigger the appeal to the latent egos of domesticated males who haven’t yet maxed out their credit rating: “‘At’s right, Bob, mah new veee-hicle’s so big, had to rebuild the garage just to hold it. This honker could haul all the kids in the neighborhood to the lake, plus a boat stuffed with gear.” Yes, a lone adult could haul a herd of squealing kids to the lake. And you might do it, too. Once.

Sure, for logging crews and large families, big rigs make perfect sense. But what is the average American family with 1.8 children really going to do, most of the time, with one of the new nine-passenger, three-ton, four-wheel-drive, 19-foot-long, V-10 land yachts? Drive it, empty, to the grocery store? Commute, empty, to the office? Yup. That, and one more thing: Show off.

Automakers have made great strides in the efficiency, safety and roominess of family sedans, minivans and mid-sized trucks for hauling boats.

But with gasoline cheaper than gourmet water, who cares about boring old efficiency?

All of us should. It conserves a family’s money and the Earth’s resources. It’s still a fact that once petroleum reserves are gone, they’ll be gone. It is still a fact that bigger engines pump more pollutants into the air above our congested, potholed roads. And speaking of potholes and congestion, 19-foot-long, three-ton vehicles are not progress.

For most Americans, the new monster rigs are just plain silly. Parallel parking? Forget it. Worse, they’re lethal. In collisions, they’ll mangle people in smaller cars who can’t afford or don’t choose to play the game of conspicuous consumption.

, DataTimes MEMO: For opposing view, see headline: Consumers pay and get to choose

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