Bottom Lines A Satirical Look At Topics In The News

They rank somewhere in significance below the Kilgore Rangerettes

The United States Constitution Rangers, a group of propeller-beanie-wearing “patriots” from Hayden, Idaho, have petitioned Congress to “recognize the police powers of the Constitution Rangers.” Do you realize what this means? They want to be Power Rangers.

The Constitution has no “offing yourself” amendment

The Supreme Court has ruled that there is no absolute “right to die” in the Constitution. Nor does the Declaration of Independence say anything about “Death, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

If he keeps talking like that, he may not even get a THIRD term

Rep. George Nethercutt has floated the idea of a fourth term. He still staunchly supports term limits, of course, but now he’s thinking that the limit should be, oh, about 18 or 19 terms.

Consistency is an overrated virtue, don’t you think?

I’m exaggerating, of course. Nethercutt is still a simple man, a man of the people, a man who recently said he has no desire to make a career out of Congress, although he would certainly consider a run at the Senate.

We’re beginning to wonder about that East Bloc technology

The good news: The Mir space station has an emergency escape module. The bad news: It’s a Yugo.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 3 Photos

MEMO: Bottom Lines is Jim Kershner’s look at issues in the news. The views are the writer’s.