Cheap Seats
Unfortunate analogies of our time
The Raiders have finally opened formal talks aimed at re-signing linebacker Mike Jones. Senior assistant Bruce Allen apparently paid a visit to Jones’ agent, Harold Lewis, prompting this reaction:
“Bruce’s encouragement is nice to hear,” Lewis said. “Phone sex is great, but I kind of like it in person. You know, show me the money and all that good stuff.”
For a good time, call 1-900-DIPSTIK.
Love letters in the sand trap
The directors of Bethel Bible Village in Chattanooga don’t like Pat Boone’s new image and may remove his name from their annual golf tournament.
The singer best known for white bucks recently donned leather and fake tattoos to promote an album covering heavy metal songs.
Boone says it was just an elaborate joke, but dozens of callers aren’t laughing, said Bob McFarland, executive director of Bethel Bible Village, which shelters children whose parents have been jailed.
Directors will meet in a closed session to decide whether to remove him as a sponsor for the Pat Boone Celebrity Spectacular, which the singer has supported and played in for nearly 20 years.
In Chattanooga, they think heavy metal is a Big Bertha driver.
Land of disenchantment
Sportsmanship has received another black eye in New Mexico - home of the razor-sharp helmet buckle - with a locker-room fight between a prep basketball coach and two referees.
Police say Laguna-Acoma coach George Marquez was involved in an altercation with referees Jose Jacquez and Elias Coriz following a 60-45 loss at Santa Fe’s St. Catherine High School.
Jacquez, who said he was considering filing a civil lawsuit against Marquez, said the coach burst into the locker room after the game and yelled obscenities at the two officials. A scuffle erupted.
“First, he spit on me, then he pushed me,” Jacquez said. “Then he pushed Elias. When we both grabbed him, he started swinging. He had a bloody nose where we pushed him against the wall.”
Earth to Sam
The second biggest loser in the massive Mavericks-Nets trade - next to Mavs general manager Don Nelson, who orchestrated the fiasco - is Sam Cassell, the main man in the Jason Kidd trade and a free agent Dallas would have had to sign for whatever he wanted.
Apparently missing the news that he had lost his leverage, Cassell declared, “I just want to get compensated for my value. I’d say between $5 million and $7 million (per year). I know what it takes to win. Look at the point guards who are making a lot of money - Jason Kidd, Kenny Anderson, Kevin Johnson. I have something over those guys, two championship rings. They may have accolades and All-Star games, but people rarely forget the champions.”
True enough, Sam, except you were a backup on those championship teams.
The last word …
“A British archeologist has found globs of flavored tar that was chewed and spat out by a prehistoric man. It’s the first fossil evidence of major league baseball.”
- Jenny Church
, DataTimes