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Big hitter, the llama
You’ll get your golf bag toted, but you won’t get any advice from caddies this summer at the River Valley Golf and Country Club in St. Mary’s, Ontario.
The nine-hole course 100 miles southwest of Toronto plans to use four llamas as caddies.
“We’re counting on it making our summer interesting,” said Harold Burgin, who has raised llamas for 10 years and sold the club on the idea.
The llamas will be available at $25-$30 for nine holes and $35-$40 for 18.
“They like to get going; they like to walk,” said Burgin. “They’re an interesting animal to work with, and they learn very quickly.”
How dare he
Whether it takes another 40 years to be friends again with his rival from the 1950s, Maurice Richard stands by his criticism of Gordie Howe’s hockey comeback at the age of 69.
“I won’t go back on what I said,” the former Montreal Canadiens star wrote in his weekly column in Montreal La Presse.
Richard, 75, insisted that Howe’s plans to play one shift for the Syracuse Crunch in an April 1 American Hockey League game were “ridiculous” and “a publicity stunt.”
“Howe had a funny answer to what I said - that it took him 40 years to get to like me and that I ruined it all in one sentence,” Richard wrote. “I can tell him one thing: If it takes another 40 years, we might as well give it up. Neither of us will live that long.”
Howe said he wants to play a shift in order to have played professional hockey in six decades.
Move over, Billy Crystal
Jessica Yu, one of America’s best fencers of the 1980s, not only won an Oscar on Monday night, she also wowed the audience with one of the best one-liners of the show.
Yu was honored for the documentary “Breathing Lessons: The Life and Work of Jeffrey Marvin.”
In accepting the Oscar, she remarked, “You know you’re in new territory when your dress costs more than your film.”
The Bonds rules
Former Texas Ranger Darryl Hamilton is getting advice on how to make nice with his new San Francisco Giants outfield partner, Barry Bonds.
“The guys on the team are helping me learn how to handle Barry. Basically, whenever he says something, you just say, ‘Yes, Barry, you’re the best in the world, man,’ and let it go.”
Trippin’ out with slick Willie
Chris Stevenson of the Ottawa Sun wrote this about President Clinton requiring surgery after injuring himself at Greg Norman’s estate: “Maybe Bubba tripped over one of those six-stroke leads Norman tossed away.”
That’s killing two birdies with one stone.
Not a sign of the times
On the fringe of the University of Kentucky’s campus, there’s a historical marker dedicated to the late Adolph Rupp. The wording starts: “Winningest coach in history of college basketball.”
The last word …
“I don’t have any tattoos. I feel like my body’s a masterpiece, and I don’t want to do anything to mess it up.”
- Charles Barkley, Houston Rockets
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