Cheap Seats
Caveat emptor, Phil Jackson
The Bulls’ guru is supposedly Golden State’s No. 1 head coaching candidate, but he may reconsider once he learns what he’d be working with.
It seems that moody guard Latrell Sprewell showed up late for a game, explaining he’d been stuck in traffic. Arriving at the bench, he walked to the scorer’s table and checked himself in without awaiting word from since-fired coach Rick Adelman.
“I think that could have been the turning point,” Donyell Marshall said. “After that incident, there was not a lot of respect anymore.”
Added B.J. Armstrong: “Adelman came into a mess, and what hurt more than anything was that they didn’t admit it was a building year. The last two years we’ve wasted trying to go after the eighth playoff spot. The truth is, we should have been rebuilding two years ago.”
Yeah, Beeje. The last thing you’d want to do is actually try to win.
We’re thinking the size of a grapefruit
European Ryder Cup captain Seve Ballesteros has a way to stop Tiger Woods: make the ball bigger.
“I’d rather see them change the ball instead of the golf course,” said Ballesteros. “In days of new clubs and so on, I think they should change the ball like they did back in 1971 or 1972 from small to a bigger ball.
“That would make the game a bit more difficult for him (Woods) and it would be easy for amateurs to find the ball in the rough - and for me, too.”
Fellow Ryder Cup veteran Bernhard Langer disagreed.
“People come out to see the ball go far. If you take that away, you take away the fun and excitement,” Langer said. “People thrive on watching John Daly or Tiger hitting the ball out of this world.”
Langer opted instead for “Tiger bunkers and water hazards.
“Put some bunkers at 270, 300 yards - that kind of thing. The bunkers they have at 240 to 260, Woods can clear all of them.”
Got milk?
World rally champion Tommi Makinen of Finland hit a cow while driving his Mitsubishi Lancer and had to withdraw from the Tour of Corsica.
About a third of the way through the first timed stage, Makinen hit the cow, which was wandering across the road. Makinen was not hurt, but the car was damaged too badly to continue.
The cow, meanwhile, was invited to the champion’s dinner.
Caveat emptor, Rick Pitino
Before the boy wonder restores basketball’s most storied franchise to its glory, let’s pay tribute to these bad old days - like the night the Celtics recorded their franchise-record 67th loss in a 125-94 romp by the Toronto Raptors.
On Fan Appreciation Day, no less.
Unappreciative fans booed the announcement that one of them would get a signed Alton Lister jersey. Celtic players weren’t any more into it. Yelled one as they came out for the second half, trailing, 64-49: “C’mon, let’s get this thing over with!”
The last word …
“If Dennis Rodman wants to change his name to a convulsive body function, ‘Vomit’ isn’t taken.”
- Chicago Tribune columnist Bernie Lincicome, on Rodman’s book revelation that he wants to change his name to ‘Orgasm’
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo