County Buckles Down On Lap Dancing

We’ll all sleep easier thanks to our stalwart county commissioners, who have cracked down on the biggest menace facing Eastern Washington since last year’s Tickle Me Elmo shortage.

I’m talking about the plague of lap dancing that threatens to unbuckle the Bible belt of the Inland Empire.

Most good citizens I know were unaware lap dancing was such a pressing problem.

But that’s why we pay our commissioners nearly 60 grand a year - to tackle those really BIG issues. And as far as John Roskelley, Kate McCaslin and Phil Harris are concerned, we’re living in Lapland.

Last week, they devoted more than two hours of meeting time to expose themselves and the public to this crisis. The meeting climaxed with a unanimous vote to outlaw lap dancing, a big draw at the Spokane Valley’s bounce-and-jiggle joint, Deja Vu.

In exchange for money and tips, scantily clad women rhythmically undulate their lower torsos upon the willing laps of highly appreciative (mostly) males.

According to one of those highly appreciative males who testified against the ban:

“Yeah, they sit on your lap and grind around and get you excited. That’s what you pay for. That’s why you’re there.”

Most strip joints feature lap dancing in some form, which, according to practitioners, can bring in $250 to $400 a night.

While interviewing a stripper once at Deja Vu, I witnessed a lap dance in progress. In a dimly lit corner, some guy in a business suit sat on a couch while a woman wearing only a thong wriggled a hoochie-koochie on him.

Sexy? It was one of the sillier spectacles I’ve ever seen.

It certainly wasn’t worth wasting a commission meeting. You have to be over 18 to get into Deja Vu, and I doubt anybody has ever been lap-danced against his will.

Under the county’s new 35-page ordinance regulating adult entertainment, bump-and-grind artists must keep 4 feet away from their pop-eyed patrons.

But where’s the harm if a few lonely laps get danced on in the dark?

As a banker friend told me Friday: “I was out there once for a bachelor party. I saw a lap dance, and it didn’t look so bad to me.”

If our commissioners want to solve a real sex scandal they should turn their attention to Spokane’s City Hall.

That place is more embarrassing than a Melrose Place episode:

Mayor Jack Geraghty was found in contempt of court for not making alimony payments to his estranged wife.

Garbage guru Phil Williams was ash-canned over his affair with a scientist who helped prepare a $300,000 study of the waste-to-energy plant that Williams managed.

The city engineering director also made at least 29 hours of personal calls to the woman from City Hall. Talk about burning up the love line.

Terry Clegg, who enforced city building codes, was fired from his $58,000-a-year job for allegedly patting a college intern’s fanny and snapping her bra strap.

Who gives a hooter about Deja Vu?

I want to know what in God’s name has gotten into this downtown temple of Sodom at 808 W. Spokane Falls Boulevard.

Maybe a lap dance would calm down some of these public-paid clowns.

Once the commissioners solve this rash of City Hall sexcapades, I have another idea: Let’s tie them up and force them to watch people minding their own business.

That’ll drive them crazy.

, DataTimes