Bottom Lines A Satirical Look At Topics In The News

STA certainly has a knack for public relations

When hundreds of people in a public meeting stood up to protest the Spokane Transit Authority’s new route proposal, STA’s response was characteristically sympathetic: It forbade the audience to applaud.

The innovative new STA “Speed III” route plan

To recap the new proposal: STA buses will no longer make traditional “bus stops.” Instead, buses will speed past and passengers will be asked to fling themselves aboard, or at least to try. Exceptions will be made for elderly passengers, who can catch stopped buses at the sparkling new STA Plaza, provided they can take a taxi down there.

This is a disease that afflicts millions

That Initiative 685 proposal would allow doctors to prescribe marijuana or even LSD to treat certain medical conditions, such as “the inability to appreciate Phish.”

Studies show that many toddlers will be baffled by trigger locks

Meanwhile, the trigger lock initiative (676), will give all parents the peace of mind they need to leave their loaded handguns lying around the house.

The incinerator situation becomes even steamier

I don’t see anything startling about this so-called Incinerator Affair. The hauling of ashes has always been one of the plant’s most controversial issues.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 3 Photos

MEMO: Bottom Lines is Jim Kershner’s look at issues in the news. The views are the writer’s.