Bottom Lines A Satirical Look At Topics In The News

Sun., Sept. 21, 1997

It takes a village to raise a celebrity rumor-monger

In order to boost your civic pride, here’s a little reminder: Kitty Kelley, purveyor of royal dirt, is a Spokane product.

She is a beloved figure, somewhat like the paparazzi

Yes, that’s right. Kelley is a true Spokane success story, having gone from local schoolgirl to one of the least-respected authors of our time.

She picks her subjects very carefully

Her new book, “The Royals,” reveals the shocking news about the Windsors: They are cold, domineering and deceitful. By amazing coincidence, this is exactly the same thing she revealed about Frank Sinatra and Nancy Reagan.

There’s a downside to this mayor business

In Spokane election news, I’m feeling badly for perennial city critic John Talbott. Don’t get me wrong, he did just fine in the primary. The problem is, he just might get elected, which means he is fated to become the new whipping boy for every other perennial city critic.

Will Jesse Helms try to block her work-study grant?

Only one little glitch so far in Chelsea Clinton’s college career. A Senate subcommittee is looking into “shocking irregularities” on her parents’ financial aid form.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 3 Photos

MEMO: Bottom Lines is Jim Kershner’s look at issues in the news. The views are the writer’s.

Bottom Lines is Jim Kershner’s look at issues in the news. The views are the writer’s.

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