Cheap Seats

Beaning cows not allowed

In Viera, Fla,, where the Florida Marlins train, there is a cow pasture behind the outfield fence. Mark McGwire made his first appearance in Cowtown last Wednesday, and concessions were made for the St. Louis Cardinals’ home-run hitter.

“We called and asked Mr. Duda, the guy who owns the cows, if he could please move his cattle to the other side of the road,” said Marlins coach Rich Donnelly. “We didn’t want the animal-rights people coming at us. So, they took a 1,000 head of cattle and had a cattle drive.”

Letting his hair down

In an interview with Dan Bickley of the Arizona Republic, straight-laced Arizona Diamondbacks manager Buck Showalter said:

“Looking back, I wanted to have hair down to my (butt), I wanted to wear the medallions and the stuff from the disco era.

Thank God, my father had the guts to say no. Otherwise I don’t know what I would’ve turned out to be.”

And here’s Bickley’s impression of Showalter: “He comes off as a drill sergeant hellbent on discipline. His smile is AWOL, and the look on his face resembles a man who just chugged a quart of motor oil. And the only B.S. is his initials.”

Sounds like Dad went a little overboard with the attitude adjustments.

Surprise visit

The U.S. Basketball Writers Association got a surprise visit during its annual Sunday brunch.

Emcee Mel Greenberg of the Philadelphia Inquirer noted that three of the group’s award winners understandably probably wouldn’t be there because they were getting ready for Sunday night’s championship game. Tennessee’s Pat Summitt was named coach of the year, the Vols’ Chamique Holdsclaw was player of the year and teammate Tamika Catchings was freshman of the year.

Greenberg had moved on in the program when he sensed a stir in the room. Summitt, Holdsclaw and Catchings had just walked in, forcing him to backtrack.

“I’ve never known you to be at a loss for words, Mel,” Summitt joked.

Greenberg then apologized to Summitt for a slight glitch: her name was spelled “Summit” on the plaque.

“Unlike your team, we’re not exactly perfect here,” Greenberg said.

That’ll teach ‘em

Libertarians, unhappy that public funds were used to build the Arizona Diamondbacks’ ballpark, threatened to hex fans as they attended the expansion team’s first game Tuesday in the stadium.

“We have a real witch who’s going to give a curse,” said party chairman Ernest Hancock, before the game.

Hancock’s wife has registered “D.B. Jinx” as a trademark with the Arizona Secretary of State’s office with an eye to potential T-shirts and bumper stickers to boost the effort.

How about this for a bumper sticker: Got some time to waste? Join the Arizona Libertarians

The last word …

“I’m glad that Cleveland is getting the Browns back. But to be honest with you, had I received half of what the next owner is getting, I’d still be in Cleveland. Six years, and they pussyfooted around… . They called me a shakedown artist, an extortionist, a blackmailer. I was just trying to get my toilets to flush.”

- Art Modell, former Cleveland Browns owner and current Baltimore Ravens owner

, DataTimes