Cheap Seats

Witches, founding fathers and lawn bowling

Massachusetts archeologists are beaming over the quirky fact that they have discovered the oldest bowling ball in America. It is estimated to have been used sometime between 1660 and 1716, and sports experts said it’s the oldest by at least 100 years.

Roughly the size of a grapefruit, the oak ball - shaped more like a wheel - was discovered in 1992 during an archeological dig in Boston’s North End.

Experts said the bowling ball was probably used in a game of lawn bowling in an area of the city now covered with asphalt streets and concrete barriers.

The game was known to colonists as “Belgian Cheese” because of the shape of the bowling ball, or wheel, which was weighted on one side with lead. The lead causes the wheel to curve as it rolls.

The object of the game, a cross between bocce and horseshoes, was to roll the wheel as close as possible to a stake in the ground.

Wolverines, meet the Cornhuskers

For a few tantalizing moments, college football’s two unbeaten teams stood only a few feet apart in the East Room of the White House.

“For the entire season, especially the last month, everyone wanted Michigan and Nebraska to meet,” President Clinton said. “I’m the only person to pull it off.

“Since the sun’s shining outside, we ought to go out and settle the whole thing. We’ll call it the Rose Garden Bowl.”

Players from both teams roared in agreement. However, they had to settle for a tour and pictures during Thursday’s visit to the White House.

Not even an act of Congress could determine a true national champion.

Bad day at the office

Maybe Jose Mercedes should have just stayed home.

First, he showed up to Milwaukee County Stadium so late that manager Phil Garner scratched his start.

Then, when he finally got in the game, he forgot how many outs there were.

Milwaukee’s trouble began when Mercedes thought the game started at 7:05 CDT, an hour after it actually did, and arrived minutes before game time.

After warming up in the bullpen, Mercedes replaced emergency starter Steve Woodard after four innings and the Brewers ahead 3-1.

Mercedes forgot his batting helmet when he stepped on deck in the sixth. Then, after getting hit by a pitch and advancing to second, he killed a rally when he forgot how many outs there were and sprinted around third on Jeff Cirillo’s fly to left field. Trouble was, there was only one out.

Mercedes’ troubles helped Montreal pick up its first win of the season, 6-5.

Watch for slow-moving vehicles

Columnist Bernie Lincicome of the Chicago Tribune had this to say about the early season performance of White Sox slugger Albert Belle:

“If Albert Belle were starting any slower, he would have to wear one of those back-up warning beepers.”

The last word …

“It’s tough to coach at Utah because many of the players are Mormons and they go on missions. The players go away for as much as a year, as opposed to Jerry Tarkanian’s players, who go away for five to 10 years.”

- Jay Leno, on Utah basketball coach Rick Majerus.