Cheap Seats
No fringe benefits
Colorado Rockies rookie first baseman Todd Helton was surrounded by the media recently after being involved in a controversial play. Finally, a reporter asked him if he felt like Monica Lewinsky.
“Kind of,” Helton replied. “But I didn’t get to have sex.”
What’s a few million between friends?
Cincinnati catcher Eddie Taubensee was thrilled when the Reds offered him a two-year contract extension for $1.2 million and $1.4 million.
“If I can’t live off that, something is wrong,” he noted.
Naturally, the day Taubensee signed, the Reds were playing the Los Angeles Dodgers, who have been at a standoff with catcher Mike Piazza and his demand for a seven-year, $105 million contract.
“When Piazza came to the plate, he said, ‘Congratulations on your new contract,”’ Taubensee said. “I couldn’t believe it. I just chuckled to myself.”
That or a moonshot
David Segui, after the Mariners’ 5-0 loss to ex-teammate and Boston Red Sox ace Pedro Martinez last week, had this analysis of his day at the plate.
“The best chance I had for a hit today was a fly ball in the seventh inning,” Segui said, “and the only chance that had was if somebody lost it in the sun.”
We’re sure that will mean a lot to her
How excited are the fans of Phoenix to have their own major league team? One Arizona Diamondbacks fan told the Arizona Republic newspaper that he and his wife had planned to name their new child after third baseman Matt Williams.
When the child was born a girl, the couple didn’t miss a beat. They decided to name their daughter after one of Matt Williams’ daughters.
Yeah, you’re a real catch
A streaker who raced across Coors Field during a Colorado Rockies game apologized Tuesday, and said he thought the prank would be a good way to meet women.
During a court appearance, Darren Kennedy, 30, pleaded no contest to disturbing the peace, trespassing and unlawful public indecency, all misdemeanors.
Kennedy, whose hometown was not available, was fined $500 and received a suspended 30-day jail sentence. The judge said Kennedy must stay out of trouble for a year.
“I’ve been looking for this girl to share my world,” Kennedy told the judge. “I thought it would be a good idea, what I did. I know it’s kind of wild. I’m sorry.”
Not half as sorry as the thousands of eyewitnesses.
Oh, pleeeeeeese …
Mariners left-hander Tony Fossas said the bullpen feels it is being unfairly targeted.
“When you come into this locker room, who can the media pick on?” Fossas asked. “There are too many superstars here, and the media doesn’t like to pick on superstars because they have to talk with them every day. So what’s next? ‘Let’s take on management and let’s take on the bullpen.”’
The last word …
“He’s unbelievable. He throws 95, he throws a slurve and he’s got a Bugs Bunny kind of changeup. You can swing at it three times and still not hit it.”
- Oakland second baseman Scott Spiezio on his first encounter with new Boston ace Pedro Martinez.