Cheap Seats
Home sweet touchdown, or less
After the National Football League’s Baltimore Ravens opened their new stadium in downtown Baltimore, Coach Ted Marchibroda enthused, “Playing here could be worth five points to us. Hopefully, six.”
Not one, but two, happy Nicaraguans
When Dennis Martinez recently became baseball’s winningest Latin American pitcher, one of the happiest onlookers was Marvin Benard, a fellow Nicaraguan who plays for the San Francisco Giants, even though Martinez’s win gave the Atlanta Braves a 7-5 victory over the Giants.
“I wish he had gone somewhere else to win. But I’m happy for him, there’s no use lying about it,” the former Lewis-Clark State College outfielder said. “He means an awful lot to the Nicaraguan people. Only six of us have made it to the big leagues, and he was the first. They don’t call him ‘El Presidente’ for nothing.”
Now she has the drive to get ahead
Before there were Beanie Babies there were Barbie Dolls.
An original, with Barbie in a striped white and black swimsuit, recently sold for $14,000. Now comes the latest - Barbie in her own race driver’s uniform, complete with NASCAR-type patches to herald the stock car organization’s 50th anniversary season.
“I hope NASCAR Barbie will inspire more young women to go after their dreams,” Busch Grand National driver Patty Moise said.
At last, some real action
A bizarre invasion by thousands of flying ants forced abandonment of an amateur league cricket match in Worcestershire, England. Entomologist Bob Ellis said the hot weather caused a mating swarm.
“If you are a flying ant, this is the big day of your life,” he said. “The females fly up to 500 feet, and the males catch them.”
Life is complete: Cricket and sex in the same story.
Everyone’s a critic
When Samantha Louise Smith was named the No. 1 women’s tennis player in England, tennis guru Bud Collins was not impressed.
“This translates to being the best golfer in Tibet,” Collins said.
Why there’s no one like the Babe
According to former shortstop Billy Werber, one of his three living teammates, Babe Ruth was sitting in a Detroit hotel lobby with some Yankees teammates on a blustery spring day in the early 1930s when the clubhouse boy walked in, shivering from the cold. Ruth called the kid over and slapped two $20 bills in his hand.
“Go get yourself an overcoat, kid,” he said.
When the boy returned in his new coat, he tried to return one of the double sawbucks, explaining the coat didn’t cost that much.
“Nah, keep it, kid,” Ruth said, “and get yourself some good dinners.”
In case you missed it
If Mark McGwire is the biggest drawing card in baseball, who do you think is second? Beanie Babies!
When teams have held a Beanie day, attendance has increased nearly 10,000 from the daily average.
The last word …
“This is a very difficult game and most people who pick up the golf clubs for a first time would never pick them up a second time.”
- Philosopher Simon Eassom, explaining why golf, unlike most sports, won’t be taken over by cyborgs