Cheap Seats

Forecast of Biblical proportions

Promoter Don King on the Evander Holyfield-Lennox Lewis bout: “This will be another Cain and Abel.”

Comment from Wallace Mathews of the New York Post: “It will be like Cain and Unable. Make it Holyfield by a knockout.”

A man who took the plunge

At the Great Eight Classic, Rhode Island basketball coach Jim Harrick told Skip Myslenski of the Chicago Tribune about his problems at UCLA.

“You don’t like your life dragged out in front of everybody,” he said. “You don’t like to be humiliated. I did a lot for them, I think. I took a program that was in the toilet, in the toilet, and won a national title.

“I made it one of the top programs in the ‘90s, and look at their scores now! But, ah, I don’t want to talk about that.”

Shutting down the bat rack

Thousands of bats, the kind with wings, have abandoned the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ old stadium which is being readied for demolition.

There is speculation some may have flown to a better location, neighboring Raymond James Stadium, the Bucs’ new $165 million showpiece.

Pest control experts have been hanging netting across 365 expansion joints, 178 pipes and hundreds of other narrow crevices at the old ball park.

The netting lets the bats leave home at night, but the mesh prevents them from returning at dawn.

A lesson on merit pay

Infielder Tim Bogar and the Houston Astros agreed Friday to a $1.1 million, two-year contract.

Bogar, 32, hit .154 for the N.L. Central champions last season with one homer and eight RBIs. He played shortstop, second and third, making just three errors with a .986 fielding percentage.

Bogar is a career .229 hitter with 11 homers and 95 RBIs in six seasons.

Obviously, he’s sitting on a career year.

Waiter, there’s a bug in my drink

Officials at the Asian Games in Bangkok, Thailand, have deputized bug squads to conduct ‘round-the-clock watches for dead insects in the swimming pools.

The squads were formed after thousands of insects were found floating in the pools at the partially covered arena.

“It would be most unpleasant for the swimmers,” said swim chief Kamol Saen-Issara. “For Thai men, it might not be a serious problem, but I’m sure it would make the foreigners’ hair stand on end.”

Beware the Zamboni of death

Ron Rapoport in the Chicago Sun-Times: “As if hockey doesn’t have enough problems, now comes the attack of toxic Zambonis.

“Researchers at Harvard have discovered the icecleaning machines might produce hazardous levels of nitrogen dioxide, and there are reports of players having respiratory problems. One solution is greater ventilation, but then, of course, the ice would melt.”

The last word …

“Never let a bald barber cut your hair, he has no respect for it.”

- The late New York Knicks coach Red Holzman.