Cheap Seats
Maybe he oughta be on the stage
Mike Lupica in the New York Daily News, on Kevin Greene’s sideline attack on an assistant coach during the Carolina Panthers’ game on Dec. 13:
“Greene gets off far too easy, apparently because he cried so much after the game. People thought he was auditioning for Barbara Walters.”
Should we lock him out or in?
Kobe Bryant’s sister, Sharia, commenting on her 20-year-old brother, the young Los Angeles Lakers basketball star, in a Los Angeles magazine article written by Mark Rowland:
“He’s mature when he’s doing business,” she said.
“When he’s home, he’s a jokester. He got this ‘Scream’ mask from (motion picture director) Wes Craven, so that’s his latest thing.
“He’ll put on a long black trench coat and hide in the bushes, so everyone who comes to the house gets scared to death.
“That’s how mature he is.”
Erica, you’ve gotta keep up
From the UCLA women’s basketball media guide: Junior point guard Erica Gomez lists her “biggest sports thrill” as “beating Alabama in the second round of the NCAA Tournament.”
That’s a game UCLA lost on a terrible call.
Ho, ho! Oh, no!
Boxing promoter Don King dressed up as Santa Claus for a group of kids at a holiday party.
Said talk-show host Conan O’Brien, “Don King’s Santa is just a little bit different. He keeps half of everything he gives the kids.”
Skiing holidays by Robert Ludlum
Skiers who must have the latest gadget can try the SportsTracker, which follows a skier’s progress by using the Global Positioning System, or GPS, a network of orbiting satellites developed by the U.S. military.
Skiers can rent a lightweight GPS receiver the size of a pack of cigarettes, turn it in at the end of the day and get a map of the mountain with colored lines showing where they skied and how fast. It costs $27 a day.
Be careful where you wear the GPS, though. Last year, an American technician using GPS equipment to install a cellular phone system in Russia was arrested on espionage charges. He was later released.
It’s a matter of perspective
Gymnast Dominique Moceanu’s father, Dumitru, was ordered by a judge to stay away from her for one year.
Said Michael Ventre of MSNBC: “Failure to do so will result in Dumitru spending a lot of time looking at a set of even parallel bars.”
Just don’t say ‘Pour Dennis’
The retirement of Dennis Eckersley recalls the time Tony La Russa, then managing the Oakland Athletics, went to the mound to ask Eckersley how he felt.
“I’m salad today,” Eckersley said. “I’m just tossing it up there.”
La Russa asked him if he had heard the forecast for that day. Eckersley replied: “No.”
La Russa said: “Showers.”
The last word …
“Nuclear war would certainly set back cable.”
- Cable TV mogul and sports team owner Ted Turner, as quoted in the new book “Stupid Celebrities.”