Always A Bridesmaid, Now A Bride?

Marty Schottenheimer is the Susan Lucci of the NFL - every year he has a shot at the big prize, every year the big prize goes to someone else. He’s been on the doorstep of the Super Bowl so many times, he wears a welcome mat on his back.

He deserves a Super Bowl, for time served - and time served well.

What Sam Wyche was to 6-10, Marty Schottenheimer is to 10-6. In 14 years of coaching the Cleveland Browns (1984-88) and the Kansas City Chiefs (1989-97), Schottenheimer is 138-76-1 in the regular season. After going 4-4 taking over the Browns in midseason in 1984, he has gone 8-8, 12-4, 10-5, 10-6, 8-7-1, 11-5, 10-6, 10-6, 11-5, 9-7, 13-3, 9-7 and 13-3. That’s 13 consecutive seasons without a loser, 11 playoff berths, six division titles.

But critics crawl out of the woodwork every year (mostly because they don’t like living in the woodwork), point to his 5-10 postseason mark and say Schottenheimer can’t win the big ones. He’s had bad luck - he’s come within The Fumble (Earnest Byner) and The Drive (John Elway) of making two Super Bowls - and he’s had some good teams that weren’t quite good enough to go all the way.

This season, for the second time in three years, Schottenheimer’s Chiefs have home-field advantage throughout the playoffs and need just two wins at Arrowhead Stadium to make the Super Bowl. But it won’t be easy - first he has to beat Elway’s Broncos, then likely the Pittsburgh Steelers.

You have to feel for Schottenheimer against Elway in postseason. Marty is Wile E. Coyote and Elway is The Road Runner; Marty is Hamilton Burger and Elway is Perry Mason. But this time, with the Chiefs favored by two points against Denver, The Man will throw his considerable weight behind Schottenheimer and select Kansas City.

As always, the following point-spread picks are for recreational purposes only and should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wager:

Patriots at Steelers (-6-1/2): Pittsburgh’s Bill Cowher is a mini-Schottenheimer - never a losing record in six years, six playoff berths (including five division titles), a 64-32 regular-season mark but mostly frustration in the postseason. He’s 4-5 in the playoffs, but unlike Schottenheimer, he’s made it to a Super Bowl - Super Bowl XXX - where he saw his quarterback, Neil O’Donnell, lead the other team, the Dallas Cowboys, to a 27-17 victory.

As for this game, I cannot, will not and shall not cast a playoff vote for Pete Carroll and his Patriots. Pick: Steelers.

Vikings at 49ers (-14): Dennis Green is another overly maligned (if somewhat paranoid) winner. Here’s his record, year-by-year, with the Vikings: 11-5, 9-7, 10-6, 8-8, 9-7, 9-7. No losing seasons and five playoff berths in six years, but all he heard before last week was that he had never won a playoff game.

Geez, if all that matters in this world is winning playoff games, then how come Winston Churchill is so celebrated?

Anyway, the only thing that can trip up San Francisco, most people figure, is if Eddie DeBartolo’s annual team Las Vegas Night - held the first Friday in January - runs late, then some of the 49ers could still be playing keno at kickoff. However, I’m going to continue my weeklong column tribute to Solid Coaches Who Are Sullied and take the points. Pick: Vikings.

Buccaneers at Packers (-14): Here are the actual results of the last 26 games, including three postseason, played at Lambeau Field (Packers’ score listed first): 14-6, 30-21, 38-21, 35-28, 35-13, 24-10, 24-19, 37-20, 39-13, 42-10, 23-20, 13-7, 28-18, 28-17, 41-6, 38-10, 35-14, 30-13, 38-24, 23-18, 38-32, 21-16, 20-10, 17-7, 45-17, 31-21.

How dominant have the Packers been at home? Of those 26 victories in a row, 17 have come by 10 points or more.

So most folks aren’t thinking “Green Bay 18, Tampa Bay 19” this week. Of course, The Man is.

Don’t get me wrong: I love Green Bay. I’m thinking of building a winter home in Green Bay. But like last year - when I rode almost Super Bowl-bound Carolina to the brink - I have an enormous emotional investment in playoff-hungry, playoff-ready, playoff-tough Tampa Bay and Trent “T.D.” Dilfer.

And if I hear another word in regards to that stupid stat that Tampa Bay doesn’t win when it’s 42 degrees or colder - my goodness, people, for the last 15 years Tampa Bay wouldn’t have won if the games were on Venus - I’m going to put somebody into a deep-freeze. Pick: Buccaneers.

Last week: 2-2. Season: 120-115-7.