Cheap Seats
Sudden flash of brilliance
Blackie Sherrod in the Dallas Morning News:
“Sudden Thought: Why not hire Oprah Winfrey as next Cowboy coach and solve all the problems?
“You would set historical precedent in headlines, popularity, race, gender and even surpass the last coaching hire for inaneness.”
Taking Giant steps in right direction
Orel Hershiser, the longtime Los Angeles Dodger pitcher, knows how to ingratiate himself with the his new team, the San Francisco Giants, archrivals of the Dodgers.
Speaking at a recent charity dinner for the Giants, Hershiser was warmly received when he said:
“Hello, my name is Orel Hershiser, and I’m a reformed Dodger. I spent three years in Cleveland in detox, and I’m much better now.”
What a pinhead
Chick Hearn had a TV show at one time called “Bowling for Dollars.” He was interviewing a heavy-set woman and asked, “When do you expect the baby?”
She replied, “I’m not pregnant.”
Hearn was taken aback but quickly said, “I was only kidding.”
The glib, longtime Los Angeles Lakers announcer ranks that as his most embarrassing moment.
Walked right into that one
Former Los Angeles Clipper Charles Smith, fuming about learning of his release by the San Antonio Spurs through the media instead of the team, said, “That’s how much regard they have for the players. I’m just a piece of furniture to them.”
To which Peter Vescey of the New York Post responded, “Based on Smith’s contribution, (coach and general manager Gregg) Popovich then filled the vacated roster spot with a lounge chair.”
Two jobs, same talent
Brent Jones, retiring from the San Francisco 49ers, is looking at a second career on television and is leaning against running for Congress, his agent said.
“I think at this point he’s more committed to pursuing a career in broadcasting than he is running for Congress,” agent Lee Steinberg told the San Francisco Chronicle.
In either case you must possess the talent to make stuff up on the fly.
Grandma puts the heat on
Rookie Danny Fortson of the Denver Nuggets says his most persistent critic is his grandmother, who calls him every day.
“I got her a Direct TV,” Fortson said. “I probably shouldn’t have done that.
Only tough guys get relief
Calgary Flames coach Bruce Sutter asked if the Sutter sons had always been competitive:
“From the time the sun rose every morning. We had seven kids and one bathroom. Now that’s competition.”
The last word …
“Hockey players sit in one of three chairs: the offensive chair, the defensive chair, or the tough-guy chair. Vukota knows in which chair he sits.”
- Montreal coach Alain Vigneault on the arrival of tough guy and former Spokane Chiefs standout Mick Vukota from Tampa.
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo