Cheap Seats

Yeah, right after the marching band leaves

The desire to cover Mark McGwire’s possibly historic season knows no borders in the global village of the 1990s. But that doesn’t mean everyone getting a credential is ready for the assignment.

A Japanese TV reporter, for example, was told by the Cardinals’ PR director that a one-on-one interview with the slugger might not be possible after a game.

She then asked, “Then how about halftime?”

And Hoffman just got his job

When the Los Angeles Dodgers completed the trade for Cincinnati reliever Jeff Shaw in exchange for infielder Paul Konerko and left-hander Dennis Reyes, it came during a game against San Francisco.

Konerko and manager Glenn Hoffman left the L.A. dugout and headed to the clubhouse before the bottom of the first.

As they walked across the field Konerko asked Hoffman what was happening.

“He said, ‘Either you’re traded or I’m being fired halfway through the game,”’ Konerko said.

Maybe he’s Croatia’s Rodman

Chicago Tribune columnist Bernie Lincicome asked this question to Wimbledon men’s singles finalist Goran Ivanisevic: Who is the other Croatian, he or Toni Kukoc?

“Say again?” Ivanisevic asks.

Back home, which one of you is Michael Jordan and which one of you is Scottie Pippen?

“Which one of us is Davor Suker, do you mean?” Ivanisevic said.

Suker is the present World Cup soccer hero for Croatia.

Good disability, if you can get it

Milwaukee rookie right-hander Travis Smith lasted just two innings in his big-league debut June 21 when he damaged a ligament in his pitching elbow.

The injury will require surgery, but at least by getting hurt in the majors, Smith will draw more than half the $170,000 major league minimum salary while he is on the disabled list.

Asked if it was the quickest a new player could get injured, Milwaukee general manager Sal Bando said, “Yeah, unless you get hurt getting off the plane.”

Baseball’s salad days

Cleveland’s Jim Thome became the first player to deposit a 500-foot home run inside the Sightlines restaurant at Toronto’s SkyDome. Thome’s blast cleared three rows of tables in the restaurant, which sits 60 feet above the center-field fence.

“It could have ended up in somebody’s Caesar salad, like a big crouton,” manager Mike Hargrove said.

Unfortunate choice of words

Tony Phillips, out of work since pleading guilty last year to a charge of cocaine possession, signed a minor-league contract with Toronto and immediately jabbered about how eager he was to join Roger Clemens and Pat Hentgen on the Blue Jays.

“Those guys want to win as bad as I do,” Phillips said. “We’ve had some wars out there. Them snorting on the mound, me snorting at the plate.”

The last word …

“I’ve seen things this year that I’ve never seen before in baseball. And we still have July, August and September … The senility of the manager is in doubt.”

- Mariners manager Lou Piniella