Cheap Seats

A name is just a name

Having some fun, Phil Jasner of the Philadelphia Daily News has assembled some oddball NBA teams. Here’s his “All-Job Team”:

Mitchell Butler, Cleveland; Anthony Mason, Charlotte; Terry Porter, Minnesota; Tony Farmer, Charlotte; Johnny Taylor, Orlando; Karl “the Mailman” Malone, Utah; Vin Baker, Seattle. Special category: Charles Outlaw, Orlando.

Now his “All-Food Team”: Glen Rice, Charlotte; Dell Curry, Charlotte; Michael Curry, Milwaukee; DeJuan Wheat, Minnesota; Darvin Ham, Washington.

There’s also an “All-Religion Team,” but he came up a little short: God Shammgod, Washington; Priest Lauderdale, Denver, and Mark Pope, Indiana.

Purdue’s Brian Cardinal may be NBA material within a couple of years.

Slow, slower, slowest

Orel Hershiser, now with the San Francisco Giants, has been reunited with Ron Perranoski, his former Los Angeles Dodger pitching coach.

“Perry understands the relationship between pitches in a pitcher’s repertoire,” Hershiser told the San Jose Mercury News. “He knows when a guy has a grade-A pitch and needs to develop a B pitch. He knows when a guy doesn’t have any grade-A pitches and needs to find a B pitch and turn it into a grade-A pitch.

Which brings us to Boston Red Sox catcher Scott Hatteberg on Pedro Martinez’s changeup: “It’s so slow you could swing twice.”

They show more compassion than their owner

A bird has been nesting atop the bullpen phone in the outfield of the Cincinnati Reds’ spring training camp in Sarasota, Fla.

A sign made by players near the phone reads: “Please leave the birds alone, sincerely, God.”

Instead of using the phone from the bullpen to the dugout when pitchers are to be sent to the field, coaches are using hand radios.

Sprewell revisited

Bob Verdi in the Chicago Tribune, writing on John Feerick, the arbitrator, who reduced the punishment in the Latrell Sprewell case:

“Mind you, Feerick is a highly decorated scholar who serves as dean of the Fordham University Law School. But he might as well be professor for Anarchy 101, the sports course of the ‘90s.

“Either that or this egghead is auditioning for the still-vacant post as commissioner of baseball.

” … Feerick no doubt would have judged John Hirschbeck at fault for allowing his face to interfere with the natural flow of Roberto Alomar’s saliva.”

The last word …

“By then, he will be 36 years old on a front line that is not merely aging but will soon qualify as an archeological dig.”

- Mike Wise of the New York Times on the outlook for the Knicks next season if Patrick Ewing’s injury is completely healed.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo