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Foot in mouth, not on ball

After signing with the English soccer club Barnsley, Macedonian midfielder Georgi Hristov enraged South Yorkshire by describing the town’s female population as “far uglier” than the women in his home country and not worthy of his attention.

“Sadly,” the English soccer magazine Four Four Two reports, “Hristov had neglected to notice that his own face bears an uncanny resemblance to (buttocks).”

March Mayhem

In recognition of the NCAA Tournament, Bernard Fernandez of the Philadelphia Daily News selected an all-star basketball team of boxers.

They might not be able to beat Prairie View, but, hey, they’d be prohibitive favorites in any bench-clearing brawl.

F - Michael Grant, heavyweight: At 6-foot-7, the former Fullerton (Calif.) juco player has the size and athleticism to be our best low-post scorer.

F - Oliver McCall, heavyweight: Played in high school in Chicago; known to cry to officials when he doesn’t get a call.

C - Mike “The Giant” White, heavyweight: 6-10 and slow afoot, but, boy, does he take up space.

G - Roy Jones Jr., light-heavyweight: Good enough for cameo stints in the minor-league USBL. Sometimes more eager to shoot than to throw punches.

G - Zahir Raheem, featherweight: 1996 U.S. Olympian insists, a la Spike Lee, he got game.

Bench - Danell Nicholson, heavyweight: Another one-time Chicago prep player who, at least facially, resembles Scottie Pippen; Henry Akinwande, heavyweight: Maybe he can’t play, but he’s 6-7 and would be perfect for grabbing opponents late in the game when we’re behind and need to foul.

Does Brooke know about this?

Andre Agassi’s news conference after a recent win took a turn toward the twilight zone.

Question: Who is your favorite player you would like to play?

Agassi: Steffi Graf, in a pair of high heel shoes.

Question: And from the men?

Agassi: Pete (Sampras). I wouldn’t mind playing him in some high heel shoes either.

Kerr-plunk!

Chicago’s Steve Kerr, whose collarbone was broken when Derrick Coleman fell on him during a game against the 76ers, said he heard some excellent Coleman jokes during his stint on the injured list.

“But I’m not going to tell them to you and make for instant bulletin board material,” Kerr said. “We still have to play them once more. He might read it and decide to sit on me again.”

Healthy feeling

The Florida Panthers played the Detroit Red Wings shortly after Sergei Fedorov signed his new $28-million contract with the Red Wings.

And how did Fedorov look, Panthers coach Bryan Murray was asked.

“Rich,” Murray said. “Really rich. Really, really, really rich.”

The last word …

“It’s a muscle pull in the oblique. That’s a muscle on the side. Or, for you reporters, about where your third spare tire would be.”

- - New Jersey Nets Jayson Williams, explaining his pulled abdominal strain injury.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo