Cheap Seats
Hustling for dollars
Pete Rose is scheduled to be the guest announcer for a Wrestlemania main event.
“I told them they can double my pay if one of the guys picks me up and throws me into the stands,” Rose said. “As long as they throw me head first, I don’t care.”
That’s really taking a gamble, Pete.
The devil made him do it
After an uncharacteristic on-court scuffle with Antonio McDyess, Houston Rockets center Hakeem Olajuwon tried to explain himself by saying, “First of all, I fell into the trap of Satan. I didn’t use good judgment… . It was Satan at work, and I gave in. I can’t justify it.”
Upon hearing that, Olajuwon’s teammate Charles Barkley quipped, “Satan? Satan? I live the life of Satan. Satan’s one of my brothers. Darrell, John and Satan.”
Tuning out
Barry Switzer says he didn’t attend his farewell news conference because, “That’s for (the media). Why volunteer my way into an adversarial seat? Why abuse myself? And, really, I don’t guess I wanted to embarrass (owner) Jerry (Jones).”
Besides, Switzer never has cared much for the members of the fourth estate. Asked about how much attention he pays to what the media say about him, Switzer’s reply was, well, typically Switzerian:
“I listen to big band music. Old stuff. ‘40s, ‘50s. Frank Sinatra, Al Martino, Jo Stafford.”
Casper, and ghosts of tourneys past
At the Doral-Ryder Open in Miami, Billy Casper was introduced to spectators at the 18th green as “the defending Havana Open champion.”
Casper won the title 40 years ago, in 1958. After Fidel Castro came to power in Cuba, the Havana Open was canceled, leaving Casper as the last winner of the event.
A plan based on firm footing
New Chicago White Sox manager Jerry Manuel was discussing the upcoming season.
Said Manuel: “I have a plan, a simple plan, no matter who was the manager before.”
That plan is?
“Round the bag and look for a double, run through the bag and slide, those type of things,” he said.
Chicago Tribune columnist Bernie Lincicome responded that the simplest plan he ever heard came from Bob Lemon, who told his players, “Get your work in and wear shower shoes in the clubhouse.”
What’s in a name - trouble
After signing with the Bills, former Philadelphia Eagles guard Joe Panos told Buffalo reporters about his formative years:
“I was coming home with bloody noses, getting picked on all the time, and I told my parents: ‘You’ve got to give me a break and shorten this thing down.”’ So Panos’ parents changed his name from Zois Panagiotopoulous.
The last word …
“Big sports news. NBA star Latrell Sprewell has been reinstated. They’re not sure if he’ll play for the Golden State Warriors or not, though. I know the Clippers don’t want him. Last thing they need is another guy that chokes.
- Jay Leno
, DataTimes