Curative Measures For What Ails Society

I had the great privilege and honor to work closely with Dr. Benjamin Spock on his last book, “A Better World for Our Children: Rebuilding America’s Family Values.” During that time I was going through a family crisis of my own: I became the custodial parent of my three young sons.

Dr. Spock was always patient with me, listening closely to my family problems and suggesting strategies to deal with them. In turn, I answered his questions about video games, Beavis and Butt-head and other new maladies. Parenting problems, problems with divorce, video games, cable television and the scourges of modern society had changed in the 50 years since Dr. Spock first wrote about raising children. But even at age 90, he was eager to learn and to help.

I convinced Dr. Spock that he needed to distill his ideas for improving families to a short list. In fact, I now keep the list that we prepared together on my refrigerator door to remind me daily about what really matters. At his home in California, we struggled to condense hundreds of pages into 12 neat and tidy “goals for family solidarity.” All of the ideas were his - I served only as an editor. And this is how I remember Dr. Spock every day of the year, while at the same time trying to be a good father.

Goals for family solidarity

1. Family Meals. Eat together as often as possible, certainly several full family dinners a week. Involve everyone: young children can set the table and older ones can clean up. Share lots of conversation but avoid criticism or scolding at mealtimes.

2. Family Meetings. Hold weekly gatherings to plan family activities, trips and vacations, and discuss both immediate and persistent problems. Share with each other schedules, plans, problems and accomplishments, likes and dislikes. Everyone has an agenda item and children’s opinions count.

3. Quiet Time. Schedule daily stress-reduction periods when the whole household is quiet. No television, stereos or loud activity. Find a form that suits your family: reading, meditation, prayer, exercise, yoga, massage or whatever works for your family.

4. Community Service. Volunteer time and talent to worthy causes, with parents setting the model for children: hospital or clinic work, transportation or care for the elderly, meals-on-wheels, service on church committees, helping the homeless or other community or public service activities. Children should participate as well.

5. Participate in School. Tutor younger children if they fall behind. Become involved with children’s teachers and administrators, to understand and to influence school policy. Participate in PTA. Help with after-school or summer vacation activities, clubs, coach teams or organize teen activities.

6. Family Recreation. Take regular family walks, hikes, bike rides or other activities that adults and children can enjoy together, either spontaneously or planned. Show children that recreation is important for people of all ages, not just the young.

7. Make or Build Things Together. Share creative activities that have tangible results, such as cooking, sewing, music, kitchen table crafts and science projects, toymaking and model building. Let children take the lead, and go for accomplishment, not perfection.

8. Family Outings. Share organized trips to local fairs, sporting events, picnics, the circus, concerts and performance arts, fishing trips or other activities that family members enjoy doing together. Give equal time for everyone’s interests without excluding anyone.

9. Bring Children to Work. With the employer’s cooperation, let children see the other part of adult life, away from home. Explain your skills and knowledge, the equipment you use, your responsibilities and the end result of useful work.

10. Family Vacations. At least once a year, travel away from home so everyone can relax and have a good time. Discuss vacation ideas with children, let them know what to expect, and give older children a voice in making vacation plans.

11. Limited Television. Watch television with your children, monitor what they watch and discuss what they see, at home and at friends’ houses. As children mature, set mutually agreed on times and types of programming.

12. Staying Involved. Keep informed about community and national issues that affect your children. Become involved with your children in the causes that matter to your family. Write newspaper editors, participate in committee meetings and join policy groups. Vote regularly, and take your children along to see how its done. Run for office. Let your children know your concerns and opinions, and listen to theirs.

Benjamin Spock was much more than a baby doctor. He had a prescription for the problems that infect America and the world society of today. Spock wanted men to be more like women and put children first, and their careers second. He was the true champion of children all over the world. The world will miss Dr. Spock dearly.

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