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Please don’t call him coach

Want to learn how to coach a college football team to three national titles?

Meet your teacher, Dr. Tom Osborne, and welcome to “Football 101.”

The retired coach of the Nebraska Cornhuskers said he would return to the classroom this fall to teach two courses: “Coaching of Football” for undergraduates and “Sport in the American University” for graduate students.

Osborne retired from coaching after leading the Huskers to a 42-17 victory over Tennessee in the Orange Bowl, earning Nebraska the No. 1 ranking in the coaches’ poll. He also won consecutive national titles in 1994 and 1995.

The Cowboy’s kind of guy

Another sampling of the wit of former California Angels owner Gene Autry, who once said about his relationship with Walter O’Malley of the Dodgers: “There’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for Walter O’Malley. There’s nothing in the world he wouldn’t do for me. That’s the way it is. We go through life doing nothing for each other.”

An exciting way to make a living

Antonio Lopez Nieto, Spain’s leading soccer referee, calling for stiff jail sentences for those who attack or throw things at officials:

“Until one of us is murdered, it does not seem that people are going to be concerned about the seriousness of the situation. Referees and linesmen in the lower divisions are playing with their lives each Sunday.”

And that’s without any British fans in the stands.

Taking one for the team

Jim Edmonds of the Anaheim Angels, taking a day off, complained about a strike call in the fourth inning of Saturday’s exhibition with the Cubs, and umpire Gary Darling came over to the dugout to investigate.

“The ump said, ‘Who said that? Who said that?”’ third baseman Dave Hollins said. “I said, ‘Uh, I did.’ He said, ‘OK, you’re gone.’ I said, ‘Thank you.”’ Hollins was ejected and got to take the rest of the afternoon off, which, considering the 85-degree temperatures, wasn’t so bad.

“I’m a team player,” the former Spokane Indians standout said. “I didn’t want to lose Jimmy.”

Mom’s mail service

While pitcher Greg Hansell tries to make the Diamondbacks, his mother, Margo, is handling the mail for All-Star catcher Mike Piazza of the Dodgers.

Margo lives in Gig Harbor, Wash., which means the mail is forwarded from Dodger Stadium. Why her?

“She’s been doing it since Mike broke in in ‘93,” Hansell said. “Mike and I were roommates for a couple of years in the minors. He used to stay at our house. My mom started helping out. Then he started getting tons of letters each day.”

Hansell said his mom enjoys the job.

“She tries to look out for Mike’s best interests,” he said. “A lot of bizarre things come through. He has a lot of female fans.”

The last word …

“Just order a soccer net and it will be 75-67 every game, if that’s what they want.”

- Robb Stauber of the AHL’s Hartford Wolf Pack, offering his idea of how the NHL can increase scoring.

, DataTimes