Cheap Seats

When will those fans quit complaining?

Shawn Burr, San Jose Sharks wingman, a former Red Wing, still owns season tickets in Detroit.

“They cost too much,” Burr said. “The players in this league make way too much money.”

The Mark McGwire Report, Part I

Sarah Ferguson, the duchess of York, was in attendance at Saturday’s Chicago Cubs-St. Louis Cardinals game at Wrigley Field in Chicago.

She received an autographed bat from Mark McGwire, whom she called “a fellow redhead.”

Suppose she tried to get to first base with him?

The Mark McGwire Report, Part II

After watching Marlins catcher Gregg Zaun hit a home run into the pool at Bank One Ballpark in Phoenix, Florida coach Rich Donnelly figured St. Louis slugger McGwire could do the same against his team.

“My house is only 21 miles from our park,” Donnelly said. “I’ve already told my wife, ‘When he comes to bat, keep the dogs in and stay out of the pool.”’

Now, a word from our old baseball guy

Here’s the latest for readers trying to keep up with the quotable Jack McKeon, veteran manager of the Cincinnati Reds:

“I’ve been to New York 500 times, but I’ve never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Umpire State Building,” McKeon said recently. “But I have been to Ebbets Field, the Polo Grounds and Yankee Stadium.

“I mean, I don’t know much about the arts. The only arts I know are Art Fowler and Art Houtteman.”

And, truth be told, it’s been a while since he knew them.

The Derby purse won’t last forever

Mike Pegram, owner of Kentucky Derby winner Real Quiet and almost two dozen McDonald’s restaurants in Western Washington, has a simple solution should his expensive hobby get out of hand.

“If I run out of money,” Pegram said recently, “Happy Meals go up to $2.99.”

Management by Mike

According to Bob Keisser of the Long Beach Press-Telegram, here’s another sign the voices in the head of USC athletic director Mike Garrett are getting louder:

Former Trojans broadcasters Larry Kahn and Mike Lamb were booked to speak to a booster club before Garrett took the radio package elsewhere. But the day of their appearance, USC athletic department officials (there’s more than one?) demanded the club prohibit Kahn and Lamb from speaking.

The club held its meeting, adjourned then the members stuck around to listen to Kahn and Lamb.

Truth in measurement

Jayson Williams of the New Jersey Nets was a guest on the New York Yankees’ TV broadcast April 27 on the MSG network. When Joe Girardi took a borderline pitch for a called strike, Williams said:

“It looked high, but it would be low on me.”

Announcer Al Trautwig asked: “How tall are you?”

Williams replied, “It’s a contract year for me, so I’m 7 feet.”

The last word …

“The neater the kid, the cleaner the shoes, the newer the glove, the worse the kid plays. There are no exceptions to this rule. Only dirty kids with torn shoes and gloves have any talent.”

- “Confessions of a Retired Little League Coach,” The New York Times