Cheap Seats

… Bill or George, anything but Kerry

Chicago Tribune sports writer Kerry Luft is glad to see pitching phenom Kerry Wood making headlines and showing the world that the name Kerry is a man’s name.

“My mail at work is riddled with letters and faxes addressed to ‘Ms. Kerry Luft.’ … Is there any wonder I burst into tears when I hear Johnny Cash sing ‘A Boy Named Sue?”’

Is the Pope catholic?

For soccer fans all over the world, Ronaldo is the most famous player, known simply as the “phenomenon.” Apparently Pope John Paul II is harder to impress.

The pontiff, a goaltender in his youth in Poland, didn’t know the 21-year-old Brazilian star when they met Monday and was not even sure what sport Ronaldo played.

“Soccer?” the pope asked. Then he asked if Ronaldo played in Italy. Ronaldo plays for Inter Milan, which signed him last summer.

What about Reggie White’s Way

Green Bay city officials are recommending that a street where Brett Favre is building a new steakhouse be renamed in honor of the Green Bay Packers quarterback.

The Plan Commission, by unanimous vote, recommended that Advance Street be renamed as Brett Favre Pass.

During road construction and down years in Packerville, it will be named Brett Favre Incomplete Pass.

Big Boys Do Whine

Earlier this season, Michael Jordan compared playing against Indiana Pacers guard Reggie Miller to “chicken-fighting with a woman.” So when Miller got into a shoving match with Jordan at Chicago’s United Center near the end of the season, the music on the public address system was: “Big Girls Don’t Cry.”

Setting a high standard

Los Angeles Lakers center Shaquille O’Neal, that noted thespian, had this to say about Dennis Rodman’s acting ability: “If he was on fire, he couldn’t act as if he were burning. He can’t outact me on the big screen.”

Very convincing Shaq, but don’t let your guard down. If Dennis catches fire, he may out-act you in his next action flick.

Our kind of guy

Karl Malone, who weighs 265 pounds and has a 33-inch waist, said he has eaten more than his share of cheeseburgers.

“And I like to have a few hot dogs and beers now and then,” he added. “I don’t go for that health food.”

This just in

From the Good Doctor in Inside Sports magazine:

Question: How were CBS’ final ratings for the Winter Olympics in Nagano?

Answer: We won’t know until CBS airs the last few events, in a month or two.

The last word …

“I used to eat a lot of McDonald’s back then. I remember standing over a putt thinking, ‘Boy, I wish I had a Quarterpounder with cheese.’ That’s when I knew my concentration was gone. I was tired.”

- Nancy Lopez on the end of her streak of five straight tournament victories 20 years ago.