Abusive Mate Need Not Control You Forever

There are so many women out there who stay in abusive marriages out of fear and the false perception that they cannot make it on their own. They often feel that no man will ever want them again.

They feel they are worthless and cannot take care of themselves or their children. Oftentimes, their self-esteem has been slowly chipped away by a controlling husband who has beaten them down mentally and sometimes physically to the point of utter despair.

I know this story because it is mine. It was like I was a prisoner in a dark, cold room with a steel door and solid walls. It was a feeling of helplessness and despair. After feeling this way, my hope died and my emotions were numbed as if there were cobwebs where my joy should have been. It became my jail, an isolation that also became my security.

Thoughts of desperation often entered my mind. How could I go on? Is there a way out? And I always felt the answer was no. Kept at home, barely able to drive, I often thought I must just survive day to day.

I had never been on my own or taken care of myself. Finally, it all came to an end. I was escorted to a safe house where I sat for three weeks, paralyzed by fear. Where would I go? What would I do? Where would I live? That was last November, in Colorado.

I fled to Spokane with my three children. With the help of members of my family, who housed me for a short time, I bought an inexpensive car, rented an apartment and am looking for a job. I am on welfare today but I have my goals and dreams, and enjoy living today instead of being dead inside. I am doing it on my own and am learning I’d rather have close to nothing materially and have myself.

As a child, I always escaped in my writing and was recognized for that talent by many of my teachers. As I learn more about myself, I have reawakened that passion to write which has given me hope for the future. I have my goals, which I will achieve. I am going back to school and becoming a journalist. I am alive and I am free.

For the women out there who are scared and don’t believe in themselves, you can do it. There are many programs and resources out there to help women, as I quickly found out. There is life out there and you can take it for yourself. The first step is to want to live.