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By any other name the MLS is …
Bernie Lincicome of the Chicago Tribune is still trying to figure out just what the MLS is - Major League Soccer to those in the know.
To Lincicome the MLS sounds like:
a food additive
a real-estate listing
a cable TV channel
a software program
a low-fare airline
a fat-free yogurt
Hey, O.J.’s already there
This might turn into one of the most embarrassing moments the Pro Football Hall of Fame has encountered. Or is Lawrence Taylor the one who should be ashamed?
Either way, on Jan. 30, Taylor will be voted into the Hall of Fame. This, in spite of the fact he might be sitting in a jail cell. He was recently arrested in St. Petersburg, Fla., on charges of buying crack cocaine from an undercover police officer.
Fortunately for Taylor, his drug problems will not keep him out of Canton; according to the selection process rules, only his on-field performance will be considered. Nevertheless, some voting members see Taylor’s legal problems as troublesome.
But don’t count Buffalo News columnist Larry Felser among them.
“In my mind, if Lawrence Taylor isn’t in the Hall of Fame, then what the hell is the Hall of Fame for?” Felser said.
“Here, here,” says Pete Rose.
The answer is blowing in the wind
Former New York Jets coach Bruce Coslet, fired after the 1993 season, is under the gun in Cincinnati. Shortly before practice on Wednesday, a helicopter hovered overhead for about five minutes with a banner that read, “Bob says fire Coslet.”
No word on who Bob is.
A grand slam
The Cincinnati Reds pitcher formerly known as Dennis Reyes has requested his name be spelled Dennys Reyes.
One member of the Cincinnati public relations staff quipped, “Yeah, and if he keeps eating, we’ll have to put the apostrophe in there (Denny’s).”
No Holy Grail this season
Tony Kornheiser of The Washington Post on the woeful Redskins: “Attention, Redskin fans! Attention, Redskin fans!
“Due to unforeseen circumstances - namely the collapse of this year’s team - we are making a change.
“It’s no longer The Bandwagon. It’s now The Meatwagon. Official slogan: ‘Throw out your dead!”’
The last word …
“It wouldn’t be a bad idea if both teams went to Hawaii, split the games and laid on the beach and told the league we went to Japan.”
- San Jose Sharks coach Darryl Sutter, on the NHL’s short-lived, unpopular experiment of having two teams open the season in Tokyo.