Cheap Seats

Does the NCAA know about this?

Ohio State tackle Tyson Walker, asked to explain why the top-ranked Buckeyes lost to Michigan State on Nov. 7: “I don’t get paid to think like that. I get paid to do what they tell me.”

So, who’s Mo?

Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe, while visiting Santa Monica, Calif., made this discovery: “Back home in Boston, Mo Vaughn dominates the news. Mo this. Mo that. Say it ain’t so, Mo. Mo Vaughn - moving on.

“It’s different out here in the land where Mo may land. There is no sense of urgency about the Anaheim Angels’ chances of signing Big Mo.

“No 24-hour Mo channel on local cable TV. No special Mo section in the Los Angeles Times or the Orange County Register, which could become Mo’s hometown newspaper.

“No, they don’t know Mo. He could be anyone in Southern California. He could be an up-and-coming actor. He could be the newest personal trainer to the stars. He could be a food group.”

Dress for success, or else

Volleyball’s fashion police are cracking down.

Seven teams, including the United States and defending champion Italy, were fined $3,000 each Tuesday for sloppy appearance at the men’s world championships in Tokyo.

FIVB, the international ruling organization, said the players’ “shirts did not fit the body and were too loose.”

The five other teams fined were: Argentina, Brazil, Poland, Russia and Turkey. An FIVB official said the teams did not contest the punishment.

The fines will be deducted from each team’s prize money. The winning team receives $200,000 from the purse of $1.2 million.

FIVB took similar action Nov. 6 against five women’s teams (Russia, Brazil, Bulgaria, Croatia, Italy) for not meeting new uniform standards for international competition.

Birds of a feather

The latest healing craze in the NBA - the prelockout NBA, that is - is emu oil.

Said Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune, “One of the proponents of emu oil is Bulls center Luc Longley, which is just perfect: Longley getting help from a flightless bird.”

Wasting talent

Howard Schnellenberger, the Miami Dolphins’ offensive coordinator under Don Shula during their unbeaten 1972 season, said current coach Jimmy Johnson is misusing quarterback Dan Marino in an offense that emphasizes running over passing.

“They’ve got a concert pianist sitting at the keyboard wearing handcuffs,” Schnellenberger told the Boston Globe, “and the only thing he can play is ‘Chopsticks.”’

Now you tell him

Marv Marinovich, who is directing his 10-year-old son Mikhail toward sports as he did with son Todd years ago, is training other young athletes as a fitness guru.

“As great an athlete as Michael Jordan is,” Marv told ESPN Magazine, “you can see his gluteus medius (buttock muscle) is weak. It affects his jump shot. You have to have balance.”

Comment from Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle: “If Jordan only knew - he could have been a superstar.”

The last word …

“Now, I am dreaming for the lockout to end. That’s the new dream.”

- Al Harrington, who skipped college to turn pro, on his dream of playing in the NBA.