Here’S What We Think

More than 400 girls gathered at Ferris High School on Sept. 19 to hear author Mary Pipher talk about her work with adolescent girls. After Pipher’s presentation, many of the girls participated in small group discussions led by high school students.

Here is a glimpse at some of what the group leaders learned from their discussions.

“These girls were the epitome of what Dr. Pipher’s book was all about. They were insecure, self-conscious and unaware that they viewed themselves negatively all of the time. Of course, there were a few girls there who were not intimidated by teachers, peers or parents and were having the time of their lives at school, but it was very obvious that these girls were the minorities.”

—Janey Henning, 17

On Parents

“As odd as it is that a bunch of girls ranging from 12-14 would rather talk to a complete stranger than their own parents, this can be the truth. I say this because every girl in my group with almost no exception expressed the almost unbearably frustrating difficulty of communicating with their parents. For some reason, it seems we lose trust in them, while they lose trust in us. Maybe it’s because we wonder if they can still love the person we are becoming, a person who is no longer innocent, naive or perfect. Maybe that is why we get so quiet; we do not want anyone to know how imperfect we are becoming, especially our parents.”

—Katie Baum, 17

“I found that the conversation repeatedly returned to family issues and concerns with gaining independence. More often than not, when it really came down to it, the most harrowing issue was the family inhibitors (in the form of parental no-nos and copycat siblings). It seemed that, with great fervor, these girls just wanted to express themselves. Outlets of individuality ranged from length of jean shorts to the actual style of the jean, to choice of friends and frequency of social outings. It took some backtracking from my 17-year-old mind’s outlook to their 11-year-old situation to fully identify with their passions, complaints and opinions, but it finally became clear that we weren’t really all that different. My yearnings for the car on Friday nights are directly proportional to their desire for shorter shorts.”

—Debbie Polzin, 17

“One girl in my group said, ‘Sometimes it’s hard to talk to your parents, they always think they’re right.’ “

—Zandra Rice, 17

On Image

“It was agreed among everyone in my group that models who appeared as though they had not eaten for a week were not appealing. Several girls pointed out that if models were the shape and weight of healthy girls, that would most likely encourage sales because people would appreciate seeing others like themselves.” Sarah Hulse, 14

“Most of the girls were aware of the motives of advertisement companies and claimed to be smart enough to avoid the pressure to look anorexic or wear five pounds of makeup. But they did acknowledge the fact that normal women don’t look like the models in magazines, that often women’s bodies are airbrushed and that, without makeup, Tyra Banks probably wouldn’t be recognized on the street.” Katherine Koedinger, 17

“There was consensus that Pipher was on target with her description of the media’s selling strategy. One girl took it a step further to say how she deplored commercials that put others down to sell their product. She used acne products as an example, saying teens already feel self-conscious about acne and don’t need to be ridiculed on television or patronized by ‘beautiful’ models with clear skin.” Patrice Williamson, 17

On fitting in

“One girl said that before she entered high school, she was vibrant and unique. She expressed herself through her individual style of dress. After a few questioning glances and whispers throughout the crowd of other girls at school, she decided to hide in the hallways and sacrifice her artistic style; she locked her vibrance away where no one will find it again. … Other girls explained that at school, everyone competes. Popularity is determined by who wears the best clothes. Girls judge each other and put each other down.” … I remember a time during middle school when I couldn’t motivate myself to get out of bed because I was so fearful of my peers.” Sarah Peck, 16

“My discussion group consisted of four young ladies in the seventh grade, three of whom attend private schools. These three claimed they really don’t experience most of the pressures we attribute to that age. With small classes, popularity doesn’t exist and they feel no need to impress their classmates with clothes or makeup. The other young lady is painfully award of the popularity levels that exist in her public middle school, and the pressures that accompany them. … Yet even with this distinction, the girls radiated self-confidence through their ideals and beliefs.” Jennifer Hall, 16

‘Some wise advice from one girl in my group: ‘You can listen to everything around you or live your life.’ ” Zandra Rice, 17

“At the end of my discussion, we set a goal for each other. We decided that for the next week we were going to try to be less judgmental toward one another. As easy as this may sound, for adolescent girls, it is an enormous challenge. But it’s a start.” Sarah Peck, 16

In the end, the most obvious lesson for the people who play important roles in the lives of adolescent girls was:

“Young women are less what they appear to be more at this age than any other time in their lives. What you perceive from the outside is a far cry from the woman who lies inside.” Katie Baum, 17