Cheap Seats
Expos-ing boredom
The Montreal Expos are nearing their self-declared deadline for people to come forward in support of the new downtown stadium the team wants.
Said Garth Woolsey of the Toronto Star: “The citizens have responded with two words. ‘Ho.’ And, ‘hum.”’
The Boss meets the future home run dispenser
New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner told reporters he has never seen anything like the Shane Spencer craze in 20 years. “It’s a phenomenal thing,” he said.
This isn’t the first time Steinbrenner has seen Spencer, though. The two met in Tampa Bay several years ago, when Spencer was participating in a minicamp.
Steinbrenner recalled the meeting: “I saw Shane with his cap on backwards and asked him, ‘Do you like it here?’ He said, ‘Yeah,’ and I told him, ‘Then wear your hat like a Yankee and call me sir.”’
A few more homers and it’ll be “That’s Mr. Spencer to you.”
No respect for Philly
Do the Philadelphia Eagles stink, or what?
Philadelphia Inquirer columnist Bill Lyons writes that the 0-5 team has officially joined the ignominious ranks of such all-time bottom-feeders as the Paper Bag New Orleans Aints and those relentlessly futile Tampa Bay Buccaneers teams.
Even the opponents are taking their shots. Here is a small sampling from the Denver Broncos after they waxed the Birds on Sunday:
Shannon Sharpe, tight end: “Bubby Brister was all happy he threw four touchdown passes? Hey, I told him I could have thrown three myself against that team.”
John Mobley, linebacker: “I don’t think I’ve seen a first quarter like that since Little League, and maybe not even then.”
It’s just a Mickey Mouse outfit
Bruce Jenkins in the San Francisco Chronicle:
“Most Pathetic Sight: Disney chairman Michael Eisner making jokes about his team’s annual collapse.
“The Angels are just a plaything to Disney. Trillions and trillions of coin, and it all goes to Tinkerbell.”
Telling it like it is
Sparky Anderson, the Anaheim Angels television commentator whose grammar would make an English teacher wince, on Japanese pitcher Shigetoshi Hasegawa’s learning to speak English fluently:
“His English is better than mine.”
Usually, Sparky he don’t speak even that good.
The ending that never changes
Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe on the Red Sox being eliminated by Cleveland in the American League division series:
“They are the Red Sox. Good turns into bad. Victory dissolves into defeat. Joy gives away to sadness. We go to the theater and enjoy performances, but the script never changes.
“In the end, the Titanic sinks, Hamlet dies and the Red Sox lose the last game that matters.”
The last word …
“I don’t pay attention to running backs. They’re always running up my backside, so I don’t care what they do.”
- Chicago Bears offensive tackle James “Big Cat” Williams, when asked about rookie running back Curtis Enis