Cheap Seats
Rain man
Davis Love III has a new nickname after angrily breaking a sprinkler head with his sand wedge and causing a minor flood at the recent Bay Hill tournament.
“They’re calling me `Water Boy,”’ Love told Golf World, “They keep saying I ought to get a sponsorship deal with Toro (a company that makes sprinkler heads).”
It’s so hard to find a good dictator these days
Art Thiel of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer on last Sunday’s game between the Baltimore Orioles and the Cuban All-Stars:
“Sitting side by side at the game in Havana were Fidel Castro, who hijacked a nation in 1959, and baseball Commissioner Bud Selig, the used-car salesman who hijacked the Seattle Pilots in 1970.
“Have there ever been two men who have ascended so dubiously, accomplished so little and stayed in power so long?”
A false prophet?
Point guard God Shammgod, who was a star player for Providence in the 1997 NCAA tournament, left school after his sophomore year to turn pro.
He was drafted by Washington in the second round in 1997, spent a year on the bench and was cut before this season.
He’s now listed as “inactive” on the roster of the Continental Basketball Association’s La Crosse (Wis.) Bobcats.
A story about him in P.O.V. magazine had this advice for players considering turning pro early: “Don’t follow God.”
He’ll never win the war
Ron Rapoport in the Chicago Sun-Times: “The Rupert Murdoch-Ted Turner feud is getting awfully silly. Sports Business Daily points out that on Sunday’s episode of `The Simpsons’ on Fox, a sign read, `Welcome to Atlanta - Home of Ted Turner’s Mood Swings.’ ”
Any good sexist is quick to point out that Rupert Murdoch is not married to Jane Fonda.
Conference champions
A woman who allegedly wrote term papers for the Minnesota players “apparently got bored with the standard stuff and started writing about subjects that interested her, including PMS,” says Tony Kornheiser in ESPN magazine.
“Can you imagine the poor guy who mailed that one in? He probably thought PMS was a conference with an automatic NCAA bid.”
Even as sexist as we are, we’re not touching that one.
He sure gets around
Skip Bayless in the Chicago Tribune on the near-constant rumors that follow Michael Jordan.: “Sometimes in the same day, Jordan will be `spotted’ having breakfast in L.A. with Lakers Owner Jerry Buss, lunch in Charlotte with Hornets owner George Shinn and dinner in Nassau with Elvis.”
The last word …
“There is an air of faded elegance about them, like a bankrupt British lord who still lives in a castle. The servants are gone. The electricity has been turned off. The furniture is covered. But he sits there, waiting for the doorbell to ring.”
- Mickey Herskowitz of the Houston Chronicle on the Chicago Bulls.