Quick, Somebody, Alert ‘Mad TV’
Spokane County Sheriff Mark Sterk is to be commended for his brave, selfless raid on the county jail Sunday in which deputies removed 16 television sets.
Few things are as scary as getting between a man and his TV.
Nonetheless, Sterk pulled it off with elan, despite those pesky TV camera crews that somehow got wind of the operation.
We can’t comprehend the difficulty in planning the logistics of such an operation, but it must’ve been enormously complex because it has taken him since January to fulfill this vital campaign promise.
Yet, we can’t help but think there is a better way to demean the jailed regardless of their reason for being there. We would hate to think some would leave with a shred of dignity. Perhaps Sterk could steal a few pages from that noted crime fighter and show stopper, Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County in Arizona. Arpaio replaced prison blues with prison pinks. Yes, inmates wear pink uniforms. He also replaced the traditional three square meals and a bed with green bologna and a cot. What’s more, to ease overcrowding, he erected a tent city to house inmates outdoors, even during the blazing summers of Phoenix.
Let’s build on these innovations but with this twist: Sterk reinstalls the TVs but gets to pick the programs. The following is a suggested programming guide, certain to drive down the recidivism rate:
“Teletubbies.” Imagine the horror as inmates watch this repetitious, toddler-targeted program. Revel in the cries of agony as Tinky Winky says, “Again! Again!”
“Spokane This Week.” Warning! Inmates may try to escape this news analysis program via sleep.
“Access Spokane.” Mayor John Talbott interviews bureaucrats. See warning in previous item.
Seattle Mariner games, but only after the relief pitchers have been brought in.
Replays of last-place Washington State University’s football team. And basketball team. And baseball team.
The entire Lifetime cable channel lineup, with emphasis on “chick flicks.”
Maury, Montel, Oprah, Sally Jesse, Jerry, ad nauseam. Wait! This one could backfire. Nobody wants to see prisoners in pink flinging green bologna while chanting, “Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!”
On second thought, let’s call the whole thing off, along with any other publicity stunt the sheriff has in mind. Clearly, the county jail isn’t like the one in the fictional town of Mayberry, where ne’er-do-wells willingly checked themselves in for three squares and a Magnavox.
Jail is a place of punishment. It is also a place to keep people who are presumed innocent. Its role in the criminal justice system should not be sullied by political amateur hours.