In First Few Months, Dad’S Valuable Too

The first three months of a new baby’s life aren’t automatic bliss for the parents. Reality sometimes conspires against everyone. Sleeping through the night becomes a distant memory. Routine flies out the nursery door. And a child changes forever the husband-wife relationship.

Ah, but there are many sweet moments. First smiles, first baths, first time you look around the table and realize you’re a family now.

Those first few months of a child’s life are crucial to bonding and reshaping a family to include one more.

Traditionally in our culture, men have missed out on much of a baby’s first months, because parental leave for men was non-existent. According to a recent Associated Press article, when business leaders were asked 15 years ago how much unpaid parental leave was reasonable for men, 63 percent replied “none.”

Enlightened workplaces, plus the passage of the federal Family Leave Act six years ago, opened the door for men to take time off when their babies were born. Still, far fewer men than women take parental leave.

The resistance has been mostly a cultural one, born from fear. The fear that the men who take advantage of family leave will be seen as less dedicated to the job than others at work. The fear that the men will lose out in the workplace during their absences. The fear of ridicule for taking on caretaking responsibilities.

Kevin Knussman knows about ridicule. The Maryland State Police paramedic was denied his 12 weeks of parental leave. He sued and recently won $375,000. His high-profile case will help promote a national dialogue about the importance of parental leave for men. And it might make it easier for other fathers to ask for it.

Fathers who bond early to their children will have a greater investment in the child’s well-being. They will understand the sometimes mind-numbing task of the daily care and maintenance of a newborn. They will probably also appreciate work more than ever once they return. Caring for an infant can make any work task seem simpler, because there is a beginning, middle and end to most projects in the workplace. A baby sets its own agenda.

And 40 years from now, looking back on his long life, a man who did take some time with his newborn will remember well those few weeks. And be happy with the decision, because work is almost always there but a baby is little only a little time.

Parental leave is not for everyone and it involves sacrifice on the part of co-workers who must take up the slack for the missing worker. But it’s worth it and men like Knussman deserve congratulations for role-modeling a new way for fathers to be.