Cheap Seats

Twist and shout

Larry Stone of the Seattle Times, writing about baseball fights, recalled one story told by former Dodger Ron Fairly about Maury Wills and Dick Schofield mixing it up.

“A bad waltz,” Fairly said. “Both dugouts started laughing. It was too entertaining to stop.”

Playing no favorites

Eddie Stanky, who died early this month at 83, was legendary as a no-nonsense guy. When Vice President Hubert Humphrey wanted to visit the Chicago White Sox dressing room during the 1967 pennant race, Stanky, the White Sox manager, refused.

“What do I need Humphrey for?” the former ballplayer once known as “The Brat” said. “He can’t hit.”

Nowadays, he gives swimming a shot

Parry O’Brien, a former Olympic gold medalist in the shot put, has found another gold medal sport - swimming.

Bothered by back and knee pain, the former University of Southern California star has turned to swimming and the pain has subsided.

At the recent Arizona Senior Olympics, O’Brien, 66, won the butterfly and freestyle events.

“It’s the only sport I know that makes you feel better after you finish than before you go in,” O’Brien told Modern Maturity magazine.

Meanwhile, back at Ego Central

Rickey Henderson, 40, of the New York Mets, referring to five-time Cy Young Award winner Roger Clemens, who now pitches for the crosstown New York Yankees:

“He ain’t in my class, so how can anyone say he’s intimidating? He isn’t on that level yet. He hasn’t been around as long as me. He hasn’t done as much as me.”

He hasn’t whined as much, for sure.

For golfers in the zone

Is it possible for a golfer to play his first round of the year 2000 and then play his last round in 1999?

Yes, according to Golf Digest.

At dawn on Jan. 1, you play at Manamo’ui golf course in Ha’ateiho in Tonga. After holing out on No. 18, you fly 600 miles northeast to Samoa. When you cross the international date line, you’re back on New Year’s Eve and there is plenty of light left to play Royal Samoa Country Club in Apia, the world’s westernmost golf course.

Will he roll without the mighty Jordan?

Jay Mariotti of the Chicago Sun-Times, commenting on Phil Jackson becoming the Lakers coach:

“Real or phony? Guru or goofball? A legitimate Hall of Famer or another (Michael) Jordan creation doomed to flop without him?

“A curious basketball world, never too fond of Jackson’s arrogance and ego, can’t wait to find out. The big talk of the NBA Finals doesn’t involve the San Antonio Spurs and New York Knicks, but whether Jackson will be as lost and confused in Los Angeles as other former Bulls comrades have been in the Jordan afterlife.”

The last word …

“Nothing against David Duval, but suffering second-degree burns while lifting a teapot is merely the perfect metaphor for a country club sport.”

- Dan Bickley in the Arizona Republic