Cheap Seats

Like a sedative

The Spurs’ Will Perdue, a former member of the Chicago Bulls, when asked to comment on Phil Jackson’s Zen thing:

“Yeah, we meditated,” Perdue recalled, “and it was relaxing. But a lot of guys just fell asleep.”

He’s no Michael Jordan

Bernie Lincicome of the Chicago Tribune rejects any notion that the San Antonio Spurs’ Tim Duncan would ever be compared favorably to Michael Jordan: “Jordan is not just a tough act to follow, he is, like snowflakes and fingerprints, impossible to match. And yet the search goes on: Grant Hill, Shaquille O’Neal, now Duncan.

“No matter were the Spurs to win the next six championships, with Duncan the MVP in every one, for Jordan was touched by special angels while Duncan, alas, seems slapped by Mr. Ho and Mrs. Hum. I mean, the next Michael is going to have a personality, isn’t he?

“… The irretrievably dull Duncan also labors in a media backwater, apologies to the tidy little San Antonio River. This place is the trailer park of the NBA, apologies to Indianapolis, a hick twin without fajitas.”

Next up

Lincicome isn’t the only columnist down on the NBA Finals. Seattle Times columnist Steve Kelley offers the following:

“David Stern (NBA commissioner) has to sit in those expensive seats with that frozen smile and watch all of this. The air balls and the turnovers. The Greco-Roman wrestling in the paint.

“He has an up-close look at the ugliness of these NBA Finals and, because he is a sensitive man, he must fear for the future of his game.

“In New York, they are calling this `The Spring of the Knicks.’ For the rest of us it feels like Armageddon.”

Hey, old-timer

Like most players-turnedbroadcasters, Seattle’s Ron Fairly talks about the old days. When Fairly walked through the clubhouse, Mariners first baseman David Segui gave him the needle with a mock broadcast:

“Back when I played, the balls were half the size they are now - just golf balls with stitches. Back when I played, the balls were dead, you couldn’t hit home runs like these kids now.”

Your skirt’s showing

Frank Thomas found a reason not to like the White Sox visit to Wrigley Field last week - and the Cubbies’ faithful.

Thomas took offense to a group of Cub fans wearing T-shirts that showed Thomas in a ball-gown and referred to him as “The Big Skirt.”

“The Big Skirt thing is getting on my nerves,” said Thomas, known for years as The Big Hurt. “It’s easy to get away with that from far away. They better not challenge me with that crap.”

No argument here

Cincinnati Reds general manager Jim Bowden talking to Peter Gammons about the state of the game:

“We can’t agree on revenue sharing, interleague play or the DH, but one thing we finally agree on is that there isn’t any pitching.”

The last word …

“I just think you are what you are, man. You are as good as your record. If your record’s bad, you’re a bad team.”

- Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Jeromy Burnitz doing his best Yogi Berra impression.