Legislature Holds Logic At Gunpoint

Thank God for the latter-day pioneers in the Great Potato State Legislature. They have taken bold steps to restore public education’s sacred three Rs:

Reading. ‘Riting. And Remingtons.

Yes, once Gov. Dirk Kempthorne scratches his “X” on House Bill 137, which passed 64-3, Idaho students need worry no longer about getting busted for bringing their guns to school.

Knives, too. As long as Johnny keeps the ol’ ought-six and bayonet in his pickup on the campus lot, well, everything’s cool and the gang.

The bill was authored by Rep. Randy Hansen, a deep-thinking Republican from Twin Peaks, er, Twin Falls.

Nothing’s perfect, of course. Hansen’s bill still discriminates against a student’s constitutional right to prowl a hallway with a pump shotgun.

But, hey, Rome wasn’t burned in a day. There’s always next session to extend this masterpiece to its illogical conclusion.

Here’s more good news: Once this bill becomes law, adults with concealed weapons permits can waltz right into schools packin’ heat.

As National Rifle Association wags told Hansen, gun-toting permit holders could protect the kiddies at school in case of a firefight.

And as any militia member will tell you, there’s nothing like the cold comfort of a hidden handgun to give a taxpayer that extra edge in a parent/ teacher conference.

TEACHER: “So as you can see from little Elwood’s irresponsible behavior with the band saws, there’s a very good reason why your son is failing shop.”

FATHER (patting his jacket near his ribs): “I see where you’re coming from. However, perhaps a little persuasion from my associates, Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson, will help you see my points. As in, hollow points.”

TEACHER (paling): “Why, lookie here. I believe my pen smudged the gradebook. Yes, Elwood’s F should have been a B all along.”

Getting a concealed weapons permit in Idaho is easier than passing bonehead math.

In Kootenai County, for example, about all it takes is 1. $56, 2. a pulse, 3. a felony-free record, 4. a little training and 5. proof that you have at least one-third of your real teeth.

Hansen and the other public servants in the Idaho Legislature are no strangers to creative governing.

This session, the pols not only tried to make it possible to prosecute 12-year-olds as adults, but devoted considerable time to taking the $1,000 limit off rubber ducky sweepstakes races.

The Hansen bill celebrates Idaho’s pistol-packin past.

The supposed intent was to accommodate young Daniel Boones who want to bag a wildebeest on their way to school.

Of course, when a rifle is a few steps away in the trunk of a car, who knows how some wild-eyed kid might decide to use it?

This is, after all, a state that gave the world murderous mountain man Claude Dallas.

This is the state that gave the world the shootout at Ruby Ridge.

So it figures a bunch of low-caliber Commie liberals would overreact and want to disarm this great bill.

Stop rubbing our noses in bloody stories. We don’t want to hear any more about how Moses Lake student Barry Loukaitis gunned down his classmates, killing two students and a teacher.

“I don’t think there’s any reason why a gun should be at school - period,” Post Falls police Sgt. Pete Marion, the department’s school resource officer, told a Spokesman-Review reporter. “This certainly is not making the schools safer.”

Come on, Pete. Stop trying to bury the bullet boosters with logic.

As John Lennon sang, years before he was shot to death, “Happiness is a warm gun.”