Cheap Seats
Revenge of the mutant agents
Peter Vecsey in the New York Post on Minnesota Timberwolves general manager Kevin McHale’s problems with agent David Falk:
“McHale is working feverishly to perfect an anti-agent spray.
“`They’re like a bad virus. Just when you think you’ve killed ‘em, they get stronger and mutate like cockroaches,’ he says.”
Keep your day job, Edgar
A day after Edgar Martinez made his spring debut at first base with the Mariners, his teammates were still in near hysterics over his attempt to catch a towering pop fly on which he was charged with an error.
“I shielded the sun with my glove, but when I moved my glove, that was it,” Martinez said. “I went down to a crouch, then down on all fours. The ball almost hit me in the head.”
Said Jay Buhner: “It was an interesting approach - he got smaller as the ball got closer to him. He got so short at the end there he almost disappeared.”
What was Martinez thinking when he finally picked up the baseball?
“I was thinking, `Why did I ask Lou to let me play first base.”’
Golf course demolition
Mitch Juricich of the “Hooked on Golf” show on Fox Sports in the Bay Area is planning a bizarre day of golf for a group of building owners and managers at the San Mateo Municipal Golf Course on March 31.
That’s the last day of operation before the course closes for a year for renovation and Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle says that might explain the “rules” of the tournament:
Carts must stay on the fairways at all times!
Please! Do not replace your divots!
The raking of bunkers is strictly prohibited.
To get to the cocktail reception quickly, please feel free to drive across the greens.
Ultimate gig
Running back Terrell Davis of the Denver Broncos turned down most TV offers after the Super Bowl, but one he couldn’t resist.
“A lot of athletes get asked to be on Leno and Letterman, but `Sesame Street?’ That means you’ve come a long way.”
The last word …
“I had a scary incident happen today. I’m on the freeway in the fast lane, got a flat tire. Luckily, Don King showed up. Man, that guy can fix anything.”
- Jay Leno