Cheap Seats

Yeah, like cricket is riveting

The British magazine Total Sport was not impressed by the Kingdome in Seattle. But it dismissed the facility in a very, very British way:

“Even though the Kingdome is only 22 years old, it is showing signs of wear and tear and, from the outside, looks rather like an unappetising grey scone.

“… The American football experience is a must - even if you’re one of the millions of Brits who reckon the game is duller than an impeachment hearing.”

Denver plays no favorites

John Elway went to dinner Saturday night in downtown Denver, and like everyone else found it difficult to secure a parking place.

“It (a sign) said, `No Parking - postal customers only,”’ explained Elway Sunday at his retirement announcement. “It’s 9 o’clock at night, so I said this must be OK.”

So Elway parked his car, had dinner and returned to find his automobile towed.

Elway called the towing service, and after getting directions to its location, he figured it would be a 12-block walk through an industrial area.

“I was looking to run into a cab,” he said, “but what do I run into? I run into six limos with high school students out for their prom. They’re all going … what’s John Elway walking downtown in the middle of nowhere for?”

Elway walked on, but instead of 12 blocks the hike for his car stretched to almost 3 miles.

“When he got there,” said Pat Bowlen, owner of the Broncos, “the lady said, `Can I see some ID, please?

“I need $100.”’

With a blushing Elway sitting in the background, Bowlen added, “So John, welcome to the world of retired great players.”

When with Rome, talk gibberish

Bob Smizik in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, grading Tony Kornheiser and Jim Rome on ESPN radio:

“Among the many differences between Kornheiser and Rome, this one should be noted: Kornheiser speaks English; Rome speaks a derivation of the language and frequently is incomprehensible.”

Your mother wears army spikes

From David Letterman’s “Top 10 Fidel Castro Baseball Jeers:”

“Years of indoor plumbing have made Americans soft and weak… . The ump needs glasses - inform him that it’s a three-year wait… . I’m not paying you $6 a year to strike out.”

A premier attraction

Whenever Super Bowl hype gets out of hand, which is every year, someone usually tries to put things into perspective by mentioning that a billion Chinese don’t know or care who wins football’s big show.

Not anymore.

When asked what he wanted to do during his visit to Colorado earlier this year, China’s premier, Zhu Rongji, had only one request: to visit the home of the two-time Super Bowl champion Denver Broncos.

He got his wish, and a Broncos jersey with quarterback John Elway’s No. 7 and his own name, ZHU, printed on the back.

“It’s like what ancient combat warriors would wear,” said Zhu as he declined an offer to try on some pads. “I don’t think I could handle it. I would just fall down.”

The last word …

“Sometimes you’re the pigeon and sometimes you’re the statue.”

- Washington Wizards coach Bernie Bickerstaff after his team had routed Cleveland.