These Things Will Make You Really Cool

10. Showering.

9. Not smoking crack.

8. Referring to yourself in the third person.

7. Dressing like Bob Dole.

6. Helping old ladies cross the street.

5. Holding intellectual talks about the solar system.

4. Putting ketchup on eggs.

3. Listening to opera during snowstorms.

2. Sleeping in class.

And the No. 1 thing that will make you really cool:

Doing exactly what I say.