Teens Offer Advice For Parents

Mon., April 24, 2000

More advice for parents from teens:

“My advice to parents would be just to understand us better. To be friends with their children and talk to us like friends. Not to get angry about the little things and to remember we’re only teens once, let us enjoy it while we can. If you show trust in us, we’ll have trust in ourselves. If you believe we’ll do what’s right and guide us in the right directions and let us make our own decisions, then we’ll listen and do the right things.” - Avie Noll, East Valley

“I think parents should be more patient with us. If they really take time to think through what we did, then decide on our punishment, we probably would listen to them a lot better.” - B.R.W., Northwood Middle School

“Instead of saying `you can’t…’ try saying `I wish you wouldn’t…’ Look at our homework load before arbitrarily assigning chores around the house.

Please lay off the guilt trips.” - Allene Callen, Sandpoint

“Don’t compare us to unreasonable stereotypes.

Don’t get upset if we can manipulate technology and you can’t. We’ve just grown up used to it.

Everybody, no matter how old, needs a hug once in a while.

Times have changed since you were young, accept that.

If you suspect something is seriously wrong, confront us. We may not like it, but it’s for our own good. Spend time with us.” - Julie Kanago, Central Valley

“Parents need to know: Kids don’t think like you so don’t try to force them to. Kids act on impulse. Kids make mistakes, deal with it. Don’t just judge your kids by what they wear, what they listen to or how they act, in most cases you’re probably completely wrong.

Kids need their space, give them some but not too much.” - Kev Vorhees, St. George’s

“Don’t talk down to teens. We’re turning into adults, too. Whatever you do, don’t call us funny names in public.” - Daniel Bigler, Christian Heritage.

Q. A lot of people I know brag about their experiences making out with so-and-so, how far they went, etc. And they pretty much expect others to be just as open with their own experiences. Not only do I not have a lot of experiences to brag about, I just don’t think it’s right to blab about personal information like that. I don’t want to make a big scene by objecting to their stories or refusing to share any of mine because they’ll just label me a prude and make fun of me. Any suggestions how to handle this?

A. If they start to ask you questions, turn it back on them by asking them questions. If they continue to want to know about you, be direct and tell them it’s personal for you. If they make fun of you, assertively tell them it bothers you. I think a more important question is to ask yourself why you are hanging out with people who would make fun of you or pressure you to be like them. It also sounds like there are major differences with these friends which can affect your trust and closeness. I hope you will consider changing your group of friends before changing yourself. - Stacey Mainer, Adolescent & Adult Counseling

What’s your advice?

Q. My best friend said something that really hurt me at first, but now it’s making me think and wonder if there’s something wrong with me.

She called me a tease and told me that I have a tendency to flirt with every guy I meet, but then as soon as he shows the slightest interest I insult him with very sarcastic remarks. She even went as far to say that I am a mean person because of this.

Now when we go out, we don’t have as much fun because she is either mad at me for it or I’m totally quiet because I don’t know what to say to people we meet.

Q. I live with my grandparents and they’ve been absolutely wonderful to me. But now that I’m getting closer to graduation and wanting to be on my own, there’s a lot more tension between us. I appreciate everything they’ve done for me but they’re not willing to let me go. It’s like they want to hold on to me forever. How can I grow up without hurting them?

Answer these questions - or submit your own questions - by writing to: Our Generation/Advice, 999 W. Riverside, Spokane, WA 99201. Fax (509) 459-5098 or e-mail ourgeneration@spokesman.com.

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