Wearing Bathing Suit Not My Thing

Mon., Aug. 7, 2000

Q. My friends always pressure me to go to the beach. While they run around in their bathing suits talking to guys, I huddle under a tent, covered nearly head-to-toe in a T-shirt, shorts and towel. I don’t like going in public in a bathing suit, and the other girls tease me. What should I do?

A. You first need to ask yourself if you really want to go to the beach. From what you’ve written, it sounds as though you’re feeling pressure from your friends, and this could keep you from having a good time. If you don’t want to go, it’s important to assertively tell them “No.” You don’t have to wear a bathing suit to the beach if you’re uncomfortable. Suggesting alternative activities could keep you connected to your friends. Learning to deal assertively with any rude remarks could help you feel stronger and more in control. You also need to examine how comfortable you are with your body and accept that people come in all sizes. One’s self-worth isn’t measured by appearance. Find your strengths in your personality and character. Your friends clearly enjoy having you with them at the beach, regardless of your size. - Stacey Mainer, M.S.W. Adolescent and Adult counseling

A. Tell them to deal with it! Your friends should be happy that you’re spending time with them, no matter how you look. Tell them how you feel and with any luck they’ll be accommodating. After all, there are more places to meet the opposite sex than the beach. You may have to give a little, too, but take a look around. Is everyone on the beach running around in a barely-there bikini? If in doubt, find someone who feels the same way you do. - Julie Kanago, Central Valley

A. It’s only natural that you feel embarrassed about wearing a bathing suit in public. A lot of people feel the same way, so it’s nothing to feel ashamed about. . My advice is to not your friends bother you. Dress in the way you feel most comfortable. - Jennifer Kassner, Shadle

Q. I love to surf the Internet. I spend a lot of time in chat rooms because I meet new people. The other night I got to talking to someone who I really connected with who then started asking me some fairly intimate questions. What should I do the next time this happens?

A. Log off! You have your first red flag that this person is out-of-line. Moments of connecting with him are really only a moment. Further conversation and behavior likely will show you if he’s the kind of person you want to know better. His intimate remarks indicate he’s looking for a relationship you aren’t comfortable starting. I’m glad you identified this, and I strongly encourage you to end it. - Stacey Mainer

A. Chat rooms can be places to meet lots of people, but they also can be dangerous places. Try to choose chat rooms that are well-protected. And when you’re confronted with a situation like the one you recently found yourself in, you need to be assertive and tell the person to back off. If they don’t, log off the chat room and tell a trusted adult about the incident right away. - Jennifer Kassner

A. Every fun thing has its dark side, and the Internet is no exception. If you walk around alone at midnight, you have to take precautions. It’s the same when you’re online. Sign off as soon as you feel uncomfortable. If possible, block incoming messages from that user and notify a systems operater. In the future, use different chat handles so it’s harder for someone to follow you. Don’t give out your e-mail address unless you’re extremely comfortable, and never give your real name or where you live. If in doubt, get out! - Julie Kanago

What’s your advice?

Q: I eat lunch with the popular people, but they never ask me to do anything with them. When I try to spend time with them outside the cafeteria, it seems like they ditch me as soon as possible. What can I do to make them want to hang out with me?

Q. Ever since my best friend started dating this girl, he’s changed. He’s moody and mean. He never wants to do anything but see her. We’ve been best friends since grade school, and I don’t want to lose him as a friend. I’ve tried to talk to him, and he just walks away. What should I do?

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