Teenagers Need And Want Close, Solid Ties With Parents

Do you remember the Nike commercial that aired a few years ago featuring basketball star Charles Barkley? In this famous commercial, Barkley shares with us a few important things: 1, just because he’s a basketball star doesn’t mean he should raise America’s kids; 2, He is not a role model; and 3, parents are the ones who should be role models. Recently conducted research in Washington state indicates that Barkley - for the most part - had it right.

Washington Family Council recently surveyed Washington state young people between the ages of 12 and 18 to find out what they have to say about parents, marriage, family and relationships. The results are encouraging and they may surprise us a bit.

Overall, teens report having healthy family relationships (66.5 percent) and close relationships with their mother (86.5 percent) and father (74.7 percent). Research indicates that teens who have healthy family relationships and who enjoy a close relationship with their mom and/or dad are less likely to engage in detrimental behaviors (cheating on a test, looking at pornographic material, using drugs or alcohol, having sex, etc.).

Teens are looking to their parents as role models in the area of marriage in particular. Nearly half of all teens (47.6 percent) say they look to their parents as the “single, most significant influence on (their) thinking about what it will take to have a good marriage,” which is almost seven times more than the next closest influence of religion or relatives. Approximately six in 10 teens agree that “Someday (they) hope to have a marriage like (their) parents have.”

This should be an encouragement to parents, that we have a significant influence in our teen’s life, and that’s according to the teens themselves. In fact, 60 percent of teens said that parents should have the most influence on a teen’s thinking about family.

This research is also a wake-up call to parents. Teens are looking to their parents for guidance and direction, boundaries, an emotional connection, and most importantly, a positive example.

So can we sit back and relax, secure in our influence? Certainly not. The research indicates that a new kind of social divide has developed among youth, a divide between the emotional haves and have nots. Teens who say they have healthy family relationships, who are close to their parents and who are from homes in which they have two parents who are married to each other, are more likely to have healthy ideas about marriage and parenting and are more likely to make healthy behavioral choices.

On the other hand, teens who don’t have healthy family relationships, are not close to their parents and who come from single-parent homes are less likely to have healthy ideas about marriage and parenting and are less likely to make healthy behavioral choices.

Research also indicated that for 27.3 percent of teens in Washington, the most significant influence on their thinking about marriage is an unknown. So where can these kids turn for guidance on marriage? To the sports stars, movie stars, the classroom, etc.?

Barkley doesn’t think so. Teens who lack a blueprint for marriage need to see it in the society around them. The people involved in youth work, government, education, businesses and churches need to model, uphold and support marriage. We need to provide our youth with a positive influence that is accessible to them when they can’t find that influence in their own home.

Teens need to be encouraged by everyone in their lives not only to be good students, good athletes, good workers and good citizens but also to become good spouses and good parents.

Relationships are the most important thing in life. Are we putting more emphasis on grades, sports and jobs than we are on the things that will last much longer?