Church Lets Light Shine On The Heart Service Offers Hope During A Depressing Time For Some

Susan Keyes was sitting at the kitchen table drinking her coffee one recent morning when, out of the blue, grief overwhelmed her.

The holidays had arrived and her husband - the one who shared her life for 33 years, the man who helped her raise seven children - was gone, dead. He wasn’t here last year or the year before that either. But his absence continues to ambush her.

“It felt like somebody just took an ax and chopped into my heart,” Keyes said. “It took - I was surprised by this - many, many days to get to where I felt happy again.”

As devout Catholics, Christmas has always been a big deal in the Keyes household. Since her husband’s death in 1998, it’s been a bittersweet time of the year. She is often with a few of her adult children and grandchildren. But she’s always sad that her husband is not there, too.

She’s not alone. She may not even be in the minority, experts say. Because the holiday is so ingrained in American culture, it brings up memories for almost everyone - good, bad and painful memories.

Today, the darkest day of the year, First Presbyterian Church, 318 S. Cedar, will light one candle and open up the doors of its sanctuary to acknowledge the pain of the holidays.

In a 6 p.m. service called Hope for Hurting Hearts, the Rev. Woody Garvin hopes to reach out to people who find pain a part of their holiday celebration.

“We wanted to say, as lovingly as we knew how, that this season of celebrating Christ’s birth is for everyone,” Garvin said. “The darkest day of the year is not just a physical reality, it is part of the world of the soul and the spirit as well.”

Although the Christian celebration of Christmas commemorates the birth of Jesus, scholars agree the date itself has its roots in the Pagan celebration of the Winter Solstice - the shortest day of the year.

Sometime in the Second or Third century, the church fathers began to look for a day to celebrate the birth of the man they proclaim to be the son of God.

They picked Dec. 25 because it was the first day of the season that was perceivably longer, brighter. It reflected the Christian belief that humanity was at its darkest when God sent his light into the world.

“So this service is not really a new idea,” Garvin said. “In fact, it’s quite old.”

While Christian churches traditionally care for the poor and welcome strangers during the holidays, they have been less able to confront holiday sadness, Garvin said.

He realized that for the first time last Christmas, which came a few weeks after his mother died.

“We are living in a faster and faster culture,” he said. “We don’t give people permission to attend to things like sorrow and lament.”

Keyes agreed. She is the director of the Providence Center for Faith and Healing, which works to integrate faith and medicine. In her work, she has witnessed a lot of tragedy.

“It’s not all bad to be sad,” she said. “Sometimes you just have to enter into the sadness of the moment.”

Lou Sowers, the director of the psychological services for Spokane Mental Health, said that while it’s a myth that more people commit suicide during the holidays, the sheer emotion evokes complex reactions in many people.

For vulnerable people like the elderly and the clinically depressed, the holidays are good because families are together and supportive, he said. But for others there is a stark difference between what they expect to feel and what they do feel.

So instead of feeling happy like they have in the past, they feel heavyhearted. The most important thing to do is acknowledge those feelings, he said.

Garvin hopes to give people the chance to do just that this evening. As worshippers enter his church, one candle will be lit. A classical guitarist will provide the music. He will lead a variety of prayers and Scripture readings that express lament.

Gradually, more candles will be lit. By the time the service is over, the entire sanctuary will be ablaze in candlelight, he said.

Keyes said the service should resonate with many people.

“You have to enter into the pain, in order to heal,” she said. “You don’t get better by avoiding it. You grow by walking through it and walking out the other side stronger than you were before.”