Put Yourself In Her Boyfriend’S Shoes

Mon., Dec. 25, 2000

Q. I asked this girl out, and she said she couldn’t go because she has a boyfriend. She said she doesn’t want to cheat on him but that she likes me a lot. We still talk and flirt all the time. I want to ask for her phone number and persuade her to dump this other guy. Is that a bad idea?

A. How would you want to be treated if you were the boyfriend? Would you be hurt and angry if your girlfriend was flirting with another guy? And what would you think about this guy who purposely interfered in the relationship? Although this girl may like you and flirt with you, she is being dishonest with her boyfriend. If you continue to flirt and ask her out, you are playing a part in this deceit. This is a chance for you to look at what you value in relationships. If honesty, communication and commitment are important to you, I think your choice likely will be to remove yourself from the middle. If she ends her relationship with her boyfriend, you will be able to date her knowing both of you acted honorably. - Stacey Mainer, M.S.W. adolescent and adult counseling

A. Personally, I think this is a bad idea. If you like this girl, and she likes you, then you should build a trusting friendship. Maybe when the time comes and they break up, you’ll have a shot. If you pressure her to end the relationship, you may lose your friendship and never get a shot with her at all. - Jamie Bates, West Valley

A. I think you should let things be. If this girl really likes you, let her decide what she wants to do. You could cause yourself a lot of grief, not to mention the girl. There are a lot of girls out there. You may well find one you like just as much. - Jennifer Kassner, Spokane Falls Community College

Q. I’ve made it to my junior year in high school and haven’t had a real boyfriend. All my closest friends already have had several. It’s not that guys aren’t interested in me. It’s just that as soon as I start to like a guy and he likes me back, I see all his personality flaws and lose interest. My friends say I’m too picky. What should I do?

A. There are two things to look at. First, you may be picky. This is a strength. It sounds like you know what qualities you value in a relationship. Ending it early is more important than settling for something less. And anyone who knows what they want in a partner is less likely to be involved in unhealthy relationships. The second thing to consider is whether you are uncomfortable having close relationships. This might occur because you aren’t ready for a serious relationship and you prefer friendships. Accepting this will ease your concerns and relieve some of the pressure. - Stacey Mainer

A. First of all, boyfriends aren’t what high school is really about. But if you’re determined to have one, then you should think about the fact everyone is unique. Perhaps these personality flaws are just the way this guy acts. Maybe you should get to know him better and then make your decision. And lastly, don’t compare yourself to your friends. So what if they have had tons of boyfriends in the past? You’re your own person and the right time will come for you. - Jamie Bates

A. There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want. High school offers a narrow dating field, so don’t feel too bad about being unable to find a guy you like. You probably won’t find Mr. Perfect, but be willing to give and take a little. You’ll know when the time is right. - Julie Kanago, Central Valley What’s your advice?

Q: I have a friend who plans to run away this summer and wants me to go with him. We aren’t thinking about it because we’re mad at our parents. We just want to have an adventure. We plan to come back before school starts. I know most people would think this is a bad idea, but the more I think about it the more appealing it seems. Am I crazy?

Q. No matter what happens, good or bad, I just don’t seem to care. My grandmother died recently, and while my family was devastated, I didn’t feel all that torn up about it - and I was pretty close to her. I passed a class I was struggling with, and you’d think I would have been elated but I really didn’t care. Is there something wrong with me?

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