Sympathetic Listeners Understand Adversities
Alcoholism. Cancer.
Death of a child.
Some topics are uncomfortable, and thought better left behind closed doors. Fortunately, there are places to go where these words don’t need to be spoken in whispers. Whether addicted to food, gambling or coping with a chronic disease, there are others who understand your struggles. More than 50 support groups in our community are waiting to offer a listening ear.
Getting the word out about available help can be a problem, admits Sharon Ryen, leader of the Coeur d’Alene chapter of Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents USA.
This support group is for families who have experienced the death of a child.
“People don’t want to talk about death and dying,” Ryen said. She started attending the support group after her 20-year-old daughter was killed in a car accident July 1988. She finds that support after a tragedy helps people move ahead more quickly.
“Their feelings are shared by others,” Ryen said. “They see that they aren’t alone.”
It’s difficult to document the value of support groups, but many find that a group dispels feelings of isolation. It eases the adjustment to challenging times. One study showed that breast cancer patients who belonged to a support group lengthened their survival time by two years. Another study showed that women with low levels of help from their spouses benefited the most from breast cancer support groups and were able to improve their level of functioning.
“The primary reason for the group is social interaction with people who share some of the same frustrations,” said Joyce Kratz Klatt, an exercise physiologist at Kootenai Medical Center. As part of the cardiopulmonary rehabilitation program, she works with Better Breathers, a group of about 25 members who meet to discuss living with lung disorders. Asthma, emphysema, or other lung conditions may require oxygen and many people are uncomfortable being in public with their oxygen tanks.
“They become self-conscious and just want to stay home,” Kratz Klatt said. “The peer interaction from the group is priceless.”
Like many support groups, Better Breathers offers guest speakers such as nutritionists and pharmacists who share the latest medical information. Guests may offer new insight into a problem.
“They learn how to deal with their day-to-day activities and get ideas on better ways to handle things,” Kratz Klatt said.
Some may feel they don’t need groups because they are already getting the support they need elsewhere, from family, friends, professionals or religion. Others say they don’t like to be around other people with problems. They find it too depressing, or they prefer not to dwell on their difficulties. Some fear groups because they are unsure of what will be expected. Will they be forced to talk about disturbing feelings?
Groups differ in how they are run. Most are a combination of emotional support and information sharing. They often have access to resources such as books, tapes, brochures and newsletters. A psychotherapy group model may not appeal to people who don’t want to focus on uncomfortable issues. A call to the group leader ahead of time should satisfy any concerns about the group’s style.
Within a given month, more than 25 different groups meet at KMC. Other groups gather in churches, counseling centers or private homes. Although initially, many join a group because they need help, over time it becomes an opportunity to give back. This may have some beneficial results as well. In Alcoholics Anonymous it’s been shown that those who are most involved in helping others are better able to preserve their sobriety.
Compassionate Friends and Bereaved Parents distributes business cards. Names and numbers are listed, with encouragement to call if you are having an especially bad day. Whispered in tiny print, beside the names, are descriptions of the type of misfortune the members have known: murder, suicide, SIDS.
Sharon Ryen’s name is listed. The words “auto accident” follow, the small print giving no clue to the depth of her loss.
“Friends and family may say they know what you’re going through, but it’s not the same,” Ryen said. “Here, when someone says `I understand,’ you know they really do.”
This sidebar appeared with the story: Finding support
Meeting times for many groups are listed in the IN Life section of The Spokesman-Review. For a comprehensive list of support groups in the area, call Information & Referral/Volunteer Connection, Inc. 667-6400. Or visit the Web site at www.nicon.org.