Bottom Lines A Satirical Look At Topics In The News

Sun., Feb. 6, 2000

By Jim Kershner jimkershner@comcast.net

His flag flies over this statehouse

George W. Bush was shocked by his second place finish in the New Hampshire primary, but he’s feeling much better about South Carolina. He purchased that state months ago.

Gary Bauer makes election history in New Hampshire

Conventional wisdom has long held that anyone, even Bozo the clown, could draw at least 1 percent of the vote in any election. But then Gary Bauer went and shot that theory to heck by scoring a .8 percent in New Hampshire.

This was not the mandate that Gary was looking for

It was a tough call for Gary, but he decided to call it quits. Getting trounced by Bozo is one thing, but getting trounced by Steve Forbes and Alan Keyes is downright depressing.

What are we going to ban? Snowballs?

I think we should boycott Austrian goods to protest that new far-right government in Vienna. However, this brings up an interesting dilemma - how do you boycott a country that produces nothing you want anyway?

It’s not as if they don’t have a few spaces available

I am so touched by the plight of the River Park Square parking garage that I will make the following sacrifice: I will personally donate $15 per month to the garage. All I ask in return is unlimited, all-day parking. Hey, its $15 per month more than they’re making off me now.

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