Naked Sprint Not Fast Enough To Avoid Trouble

“Oh, yes, they call him the streak. Fastest thing on two feet.” - Ray Stevens.

Medical Lake High School Principal Susan Fahrni seems to have misplaced her funny bone.

“I did not find it humorous,” she says of the masked streaker who ran nekkid as a jaybird through her school last week.

Following an investigation worthy of both Kennedy assassinations, furious Fahrni cracked the case. Nine students involved in the plot have been suspended for three to five days.

This kind of punishment is usually given those who start fights or smuggle cigarettes into school.

Cleaning up the schoolyard or running laps would be a more appropriate fate for a streaking scheme. It seems like a hilarious misdemeanor, after all, not a high crime.

The streaker, whose name is being withheld, is a student who was moving to California. Friends say he made his nude debut on his last day at school as a flashy farewell.

Word has it, however, that the junior is in big trouble down south. Far from the harmless prank it obviously was, Fahrni considers his streak a serious violation of federal sexual harassment law.

“There was nothing funny about it,” she adds grimly.

Oh, yeah?

“I didn’t see anyone who wasn’t laughing,” says Jacob Meltzer, 17, who was standing by his locker when this full-frontal lunacy flashed by.

According to students, the streaker struck just after the 2:30 p.m. buzzer sounded last Tuesday. Wearing only a black ski mask, goggles and running shoes, the student would have made singer Ray Stevens proud.

Those who watched him pass couldn’t help but marvel over the black letters “M” and “L” on his bouncing caboose.

“I was only suspended three days and I painted the ML on his butt,” says Adrienne Parlin, 15, a bit miffed that her involvement was deemed less heinous than the ringleaders. Talk about school spirit!

To cheers and guffaws from students and teachers alike, the naked runner high-tailed it outside and into a waiting getaway car, a Chrysler LeBaron, that left campus in a hurry.

“Everyone’s still talking about it,” adds Meltzer, a junior and honor student. “It’ll be one of those stories we’ll be telling for life.”

It was called Operation Anatomy Marathon.

That’s the name Jake Stevenson, 17, and Jason Doss, 16, bestowed on the prank they designed. “It just clicked,” says Doss. “We looked at each other and said, `We can do it!”’ Doss wouldn’t reveal the streaker’s name without his permission. But he added that the lad sang lead in their garage band, Pile of Frogs.

These appear to be good kids, not real troublemakers. Stevenson says he is vice president of the junior class and carries a 3.9 grade point average. Doss says he carries a 3.5 and is treasurer for the school’s National Honor Society chapter.

“Five teachers came up to me and said they’d like to shake the streaker’s hand,” claims Stevenson. Even “my parents think it’s kind of funny.”

The streaker’s identity was a mystery for a time.

One rumor had the perpetrator as a renegade LC student. Another theory held the streaker to be a fired teacher who came back for revenge.

Doss says they all tried to keep mum, but Fahrni apparently kept pushing until the dastardly plan was laid bare.

Stevenson and Doss say they got out of class by holding a Students Against Drunk Driving meeting. After 20 minutes, they cut the gathering short so everyone could get in position.

Now they are all banished from school, supposedly learning their lesson. Have they?

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” says Doss, echoing the sentiments of the others. “It was the funniest thing I’ve ever done.”

Great job, Fahrni.